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About the grooming post (trans 16m)
I made a post saying that grooming was the only way i've ever felt loved and asked someone to do it. it was kind of bold so i thought i'd share some more in case anyone wanted to talk :)
For context, I am trans (ftm) sorry if my gender seems like it switches through the post. Also sorry if the post doesn't seem to make much sense or if i repeat myself. I'm a little emotional and confused while writing this.
i (16m) have been groomed online about 4+ times due to unprotected internet access as a kid. it happened one day, the person left after they got what they wanted, i was left confused and it kept happening about another three times. I understand that it's bad and i don't wish it on anyone: but i wish it on myself. My parents have always argued and/or were too busy with work to really pay actual attention to me. For as long as I can remember, 1 wanted someone fatherly, someone i could talk to about anything while recieving the love and attention i wanted so much. But i didn't receive that when i went online. instead i got men and women who wanted pictures and voice calls and other disgusting stuff like that, saying that it would make them happy and i could be a big girl. I was young when this was happening (like 8-10) and I didn't realize until i was 11 how wrong it was. Even though I felt disgusting, I began searching for that same attention again. It became a whole thing with my parents, where they found out and would take my phone and stuff. This went on until i was 13 by which at that point i started lying about my age online just to get same attention (I know, not grooming, but the attention is what mattered), as well as getting actually groomed another 2 times. I'm gullible person, I know. I'm 16 now, found that i'm trans and gay, and i haven't done anything like that online since. but i've recently wanted to again, especially since this "trend" of liked older men is some mainstream thing now, I want the attention, because deep down I loved the eyes that were on me, just not what they were looking for. However, I want the men to look at me with the same eagerness and determination they did eight years ago. I don't think they would though. I'm trans and I'm sure most of those men would think i'm delusional and wouldn't want me and if those men saw me now, i don't know if they'd be happy that i look more mature, or disappointed that i'm not as young as they want me. I want the attention and "love" again because that was the closest thing to love i ever knew. l've never experienced romance unless my so called 'boyfriend/girlfriend ' was twice my age. And I want it again. I just don't think it'd be the same. I know that this is disgusting and wrong, but i really think that an older guy who would love and accept me for who i am as well as maintaining a relationship/dynamic would solve every mental problem. I want the actual love from that said older guy. And i don't wanna feel disgusting while it happens. I just want to feel the love everyone else gets to have. I don't care if all it's doing is damaging me, as long he only wants me to damage.
I understand you. i'm 17, a trans and gay guy as well, i have been through a lot of the same things you have. i don't know you but i hope you read this.
i still feel like i want it again sometimes. it's scary, because you know it's wrong but that doesn't stop you, nothing does.
i'm not gonna tell you that you're making a mistake or that you're risking your safety because i'm sure you've heard all of that before. i have for years.
but you aren't alone and you aren't crazy. you are hurt.
i can't do anything about it because again, i don't know anything about you at all, but i just can't stand seeing other people in my community feel the same way i do. i'm sorry.
I appreciate you a lot. I hope you know it means so much to me to hear it from someone in my community :)
I love trannies, send me pics! Poheywood@gmail.com