My boyfriend said he doesn't love me.

I'm tearing up as I write this. Recently money has been super tight so my boyfriend let me move in with him rent-free.

Yesterday I said "I love you" for the first time and he looked up from his book with just his eyes and did a half grin. I then asked if he loved me. He replied "I enjoy you. Love isn't a word I use for anyone besides my mother." I was stunned. He went back to his book casually. Without looking up, he said,

"have you ever read the book the giver?" I said yes.

"I go through life never depressed or sad but never really happy. It's quite peaceful. It's also kind of sad. I'm like the people in The Giver. Everything is in black and white"

"So you're saying you don't love me?"

He giggles as I started to tear. "You're one of my favorite people my love" then he gives me a kiss on the head and opens his arms signaling he wants to cuddle.

When I layed in his arms I got a warm feeling that he doesn't get from me. "Are you a psychopath?" I asked. He replied "I'm pretty sure. But don't worry, I don't hurt people or want to be abusive, that doesn't help anyone." I asked him if he would feel bad if he killed anyone and he said he's "get over it"

My boyfriend, who's a psychopath, will buy homeless people a cup of coffee and hold the door for old people. Like WTF? He let me move in with him without paying rent. He hasn't asked for a lot more s** in return (I usually ask). He'll ask me to cuddle with him.

He seems so mysterious now.

Jan 18

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  • Where did he actually say he didn't love you?

  • No one loved me more than my mom-true for me

  • He seems "mysterious"? Perhaps it's because he opened his home --- for free --- to someone who essentially accuses him of being a psychopath . . . . . . . . . to his face, and while laying in his bed with him!!!! A girl who thinks she can make up her share of the rent by offering more s** (ask any female adult what that arrangement is, and what it makes YOU). A girl who has an inability to understand that not saying "I love you" is not the same as saying "I don't love you". And by the way, those quick, reflexive "love-yous"? They aren't the emotional, romantic, heartfelt, poetic,love song equivalents of "I. Love. You."
    areGrow up, honey! It's a long road, but it's worth the trip.

  • I don't understand what you mean? My boyfriend said he hasn't loved anyone, including his long-term girlfriend, exept his mother. I didn't "accuse" him, I asked if he was based on what he told me. The s*x part was me expecting a psycopath to want more s*x in return. Before him I only heard the term in serial killer movies.

  • It would be hilarious, your claim that you didn't "accuse" him, if it weren't so idiotic. Of course you accused him! And you did it knowingly, because he disappointed you when he failed to sit up and bark the "iloveyou"response you thought you prompted AND (worse than that) DESERVED. Asking someone, "are you a psychopath?", is not like asking, "are you right-handed?" The question is not neutral: by asking it, the enquirer directly implies that he/she has seen troubling and possibly-confirming behaviors, and it presupposes the possibility (if not the likelihood ) of an affirmative answer. And please don't pretend that you chose an unfamiliar word wrongly. Your reference to the movies makes it perfectly clear you knew the word and chose it intentionally, and he correctly understood EXACTLY what you meant. You may as well have asked him, "would you say you're more like Norman Bates or Hannibal Lecter?" As for the compensatory s** element, I'm going to drop it completely. You raised it yourself, but the more you try to explain it, the worse it seems to get. You may not believe me, but I really want to think highly of you, and I honestly want good to come to you. Whatever you do, please don't treat him, or behave around him, as though he continually "owes" you three words. he does not. You'll have to wait for him to say them when he means it. Then, you'll have something real to cry about and your tears [of joy]will have value, because then you will be able to add his spoken words to all his many, many actions (which always speak louder, especially in love), and you will know, as a fact, and beyond all doubt: HE LOVES ME!!!

  • If he said it he would be lying.

  • I'm afraid it's true: a hundred "luvyas" ain't worth one "I Love You". "Luvya" isn't an expression of true love or even affection: it's a deflection. Sounds good; means nothing.

  • OMG! You're more concerned with hearing him say it than in feeling it or seeing it. You are one of those women that ALL men despise: you are a f****** scorekeeper! You don't actually care about real love, and you don't even know what it is! You are, in fact, living with it, living in the very middle of it. It's all around you, every minute of every day, including the first day of every month. He cares more about you than he cares about himself. That is the definition of love. Let me say that again: love is caring more about another person than you care about yourself. He is and has been showing the truth of that. But you can't see that he loves you because you aren't looking for it and because you're so consumed by yourself. If you continue to try to force him to say the words, he never will, and you will lose him. You will absolutely lose him. Even if you could make him say it, the words would have no meaning. It's a game to you and men hate women who play games just so they can keep score. Anyway, unless he says it unbidden, you can't rely on it, because it's just your mindless, meaningless way of keeping score . . . . . YOU F****** SCOREKEEPER!!! Unless you change your attitude, you will NEVER be loved. NEVER!!

  • That’s not the kind of person I am. I feel kind of bad that I’m leaching off of him because I don’t pay a share of the rent and he lives in his own. I love him. We’ve known each other for 4 years now and have been dating for 3 years. My friends tell their bf’s “love you” and they say it back. I want to be loved like anyone else. I love him but he kind of told me he doesn’t.

  • These guys making som weird assumptions and being mean, don´t worry about them, idiots

  • Get the h*** out ! Now

  • This feels not good

  • Run. Run away as fast as you can!

  • I think if he was going to get abusive it would have happened by now. He doesn’t care for conflict at all. Some crazy dude was screaming in his face at a bar last year and he just starred at him with a blank face and wasn’t fazed.

  • They do not often do ANYTHING spontaneously. Everything is carefully considered. I doubt that he would be abusive because he then puts himself in danger of prosecution. The downside of that is that he doesn't get emotional enough to lash out for any reason in relation to other people. I am single and I don't want a jealous girlfriend, but I do want her to be ABLE to be jealous. If that makes sense.

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