I blame myself
My bird f*****' died. i feel terrible, ive been getting into terrible habits such as not eating, not talking, being anti-social. I wanna f***** crumple up in a ball and die. Its all my fault. I hate myself for this kind of s***.
Before you ask, my bird killed himself because we are moving. he is usually in a large cage, but we had to put him in a small cage. He was not used to this. He had another bird who comforted him. We jumped to conclusions that the other bird killed him, when in reality they were just trying to keep him happy. I feel terrible that i wasnt the one to take care of him. Someone said, "God decided it was his time to go." I do not believe that. I was responsible. I hate myself. It has been a year after his death but i remember every detail of that day like it was yesterday morning.
i cannot stop f***** crying.
not even family.
ive been listening to "The caretaker" more often because it was some music that my bird used to listen and sing to. Some people say "Oh youre faking being depressed", i dont know if i seem like i am, but i truly am in a depressed state. i wish i had someone to talk to.
nobody talks to me. here is a list of people who dont let me vent on them.
books (They get f***** stolen, and ripped.)
i have nobody to talk to. i hate this.
life and death is a part of life, which i have to accept unfortunately.