Child hood fantasy to cope

I used to have fantasies and dreams while sleeping or awake about being another woman , any model, or pretty actress or that such and being raped. I wanted to be desired but I was also thinking out in fantasy of how to cope with my own sexual assault and child abuse crimes done on me. I wanted the escape and to be another person. beautiful and successful and hope for how nice I might be when I got older. It just became a way of life almost every night my own movie fantasy since the age of 5 and I feel rotten now that I lived like that. I begged god to forgive me for it. I didn't plan harm on anyone or myself but it was my way of a cope strategy, so my counsellor told me.

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