I watched a movie the other day called forbidden love and it was a movie about a teacher having an affair with a student. i thought it might be a nice movie but it ended badly. fair enough the guy did the wrong thing with an underage girl and also he was married. but i knew a drama teacher at the college i went to and someone told me he was living with a girl who was only 15 a school love which seemed taboo, i said well how do you know its not his daughter they said oh no everyone knows they just think we don't. i was shocked cuz i sort of had a crush on this guy he was well into his 40s and i was shocked and just took it as heresay rather then pure fact. but i watched the movie and yes felt some things were inappropriate but there were some kind of cute things too.
every girl wants to be loved like that. its normal for a girl to want love and i kind of started having fantasies thinking about all the times i had crushes on teachers at law school and i went out night clubbing with some but nothing happened it was completely unromantic or sexual. but the movie got my fantasy juices going and just wishing i could have a relationship like that but i would be more smart this time and i am not her age anyway and i would not dob a guy in unless it was wrong. here it is i already have a crush on a gyno and i know its completely inappropriate and i even cry over him and i have been a b**** to him not meaning to be. things got out of hand and i did not mean to go so far out of control in my anger.
i don't want to see him hurt because of my mouth i don't what to say i feel so ashamed of myself ...
what would a good moral person do in this situation?
it would be wrong to do something sexual with him yet i fantasies often about him and love him in my heart. and also another man who is married. they probably hate me. i need someone to have s** with me who knows what they are doing and has medical knowledge in case i collapse or have a heart attack or fit etc
this is a lot to ask someone.
even if it was a one night stand or small affair...
i know it is capable to love two people at the same time and i have no shame about that ... its about trust and also making a bond and agreement with each other then all can cope with like a contract even... i love this actor but i don't know if i will ever meet him as he must be living in russia and language barrier but so what? he is cute what does that matter when you have the need for passion what has conversation got to do with passion right?
i need someone who knows what they are doing and i can feel good with and i need to be free to be able to maybe go to the other guy later or two at the same time or if i knew this gyno really loved me i would commit and be faithful. its a bother to be otherwise anyway. i would be faithful to the actor if he showed me a sign.
the problem is my age and because i am not as clever as those doctors they think i am not part of thier in crowd??? am i good enough for these men anyway or is it just my heart and fantasies. i need a good f*** excuse the french but i am blunt. i love these men easy as loving honey on a stick.
it would be a fantasy for me to have the gyno as my math and biology teacher but can i cope ? when will i know when or where he is? will he want that? other stuff complicated.