What You Need From Me
This is crazy, but I need a swear of truth about what trans-pired with this man.
Guess you did not know, Nikki Araguz was older than me but we grew up in the same school district and neighborhood? We were forever friends. No judgement from me. Be happy. Be you. Google it.
I was sworn in 5 years ago actually to a very large spiritual movement of holy books, which also include yours, on a life that is important to me.
No I am not evil, but in places like these it is always best to trust your intuition and meet in public places.
If your definition of love is synonymous with deceit, manipulation, abuse in all senses and I am so wary, given the history I've let you in on. Then you don't know true love.
Want to know what your subconscious mind believes love is? Take a sheet of paper, fold it in half long wise and write the words " Home Is. " In one column you will write out all the negative things about your home life and relationships with your parents growin up. On the right side all the positive. Take a minute and get it done.
So lets say you have a vision board or ideal of your dream mate, someone almost as sexy and charming as me. ;) Well they could show up at your door, like right now and guess what, you would open it but withing 48 hours you would reject them? Wait. What? They are my dream girl/boy! Do you know why?
Here comes the good stuff. Once you finish your list, hey no cheating. Take the word Home, scratch a line through it, and take a red ink pen and write the word LOVE in it's place. The list is a visual representation of everything your mind needs to heal in order to have a healthy relationship. Which requires some work on our part. So what happens is, even if you meet someone as cute as a slice of cake like me, your subconscous mind will automatically compare my traits, character, way of being and match it up against your subconsious list of healing needs. So lets say, you love me like a fat kid loves cake, which you really would if you knew me. However, if I do not criticize your body or weight like your mom used to do, which for example is a subconscious wound for you x 10, you will inevitably sabatoge our relationship no matter how fabulous I am. It is why it is so important to heal your heart and your wounds or you will marry one of your parents, in a different skin suit of course.
I need something to shake my doubts and my defenses here from you before I can support you anywhere. I need my stability back to be able to help you stand, too.
Well you have my number in the card, call me. I don't bite unless you are into it. Well maybe a little nibble now and then..lol..
Those I've shared my issues with believe this could be a red flag, too. Word of advice, it is great to have friends but never share your problems with people who cannot solve them or are living the life you are dreaming of living. I don't get relationship advice from single people, I get it from couples who have been married more than ten years. It is the same with every subject.
So, I need understanding if I am supposed to stand strong and steadfast to what I want us to become. Look, your secrets are safe with me but I also need something from you. No talking to the ex's and no sleeping around for 90 days, I need you to safe guard our connection while it grows from a seedling into a flower. You can have your past memories, but not former lovers in the present or negativity interfering in our relationship: emotionally, mentally, physically. Limit what you share so we can build a strong foundation. I have to be able to trust you and with your long history of lovers I need you to let go of the past. So clean out your contacts, facebook and social media if not you can keep them and I will keep moving on. The other reason is I need you to protect my energy. I work with a lot of clients, and have to have a safe space I can rely on without everyone elses drama or energetic interference. If we can create a sanctuary for each other, away from the world, a secret but fun nest for us to escape the world we both win and there is nothing we cannot achieve. Close friends, distant companions...something that works for us.
Pick the wine bar, and a corner table, text me the time after 7pm and address on my phone. Just make sure we are within walking distance to wherever you plan to rest after we are done kissing and I send you back to your room all hot and bothered, with my scent on your lips. I rarely drink and never while driving. You are the only exception to the rule.
This is a cyber diary entry that I wish to be lost in cyber sea.