I am trans and don't want to be

I can't even get the words out... I just hate myself. Confused, afraid, and disgusted at my self for feeling this way, but even more disgusted when I look at myself in the mirror.

I am tired of hurting people I love, I am tired of hurting myself, and would rather die than put on women's clothing again.

I want to be able to enjoy s** with a woman without wishing I could change bodies. I am tired of wanting the feeling of completeness, validation, and satisfaction when I sleep with a man.

This has been a part of me since I was 4, and I hate it and hate myself.

Wishing for peace or death.

Mar 11

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  • Read the Holy Bible KJV and attend a Bible base church. God truly loves you and didn't make you that way.

  • Believe it or not there is a God who loves you dearly. When he created you, he made you perfect in your mother's womb. Surrender your life, your anxiety, your fear, your shame, guilt, all to Jesus. He will ALWAYS have open arms ready to receive you. I'm sorry you've been struggling with this since you were 4. I promise it no longer has to be a struggle. Just trust Him, what else do you have to lose if you already feel like dying? He will NEVER fail you! Only people will and they misrepresent him daily. But He is a loving Father who loves, forgives, and is ready to heal your heart and make you new. Be blessed and stay encouraged. Let Him love you and teach you how to truly love they body he created for you long ago. He makes no mistakes!

  • Don't kill yourself. If you learn to lose your illusions about gender and be what you are without guilt you will have many years of happiness ahead of you and you will be glad you stayed alive.

  • Hi Anon, I'm so glad you took the step to vent your feelings. You are on the right path!
    My son is transgender, has been since he was 15, now 26. It's not easy! There are so many fears, and so much confusion.
    The good news is, there are people who are willing to help you work through your feelings; whether it be to transition fully, or just to explore an intermediary solution. Please go to Psychology.com and look for a therapist who specializes in LGBT and Transgender therapy. That's how I found the right person to help my son begin his journey. She gave him the information he needed, and sent him to other specialists, and he's finally living life as his true self.
    Please, before you think about how much you hate yourself, know that there are so many of us friends, parents, allies who want to see you become your very best self. You have so much support, please don't hesitate to reach out!
    You are perfect, just the way you are. <3


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