Writings of somebody unable to find Romance.
Okay, to the point. 20 years old, extremely active and in shape. I understand love "isn't the answer" nor do we need somebody to "complete" us. Self love is important.
The word "incel" is thrown about a lot. I don't consider myself the stereotypical incel loser in the sense of the word. I like to think I'm attractive enough, dress extremely well & have an intelligent mind for creativity & an appreciation of art & nature traits rare in today's youth.
I feel as if God or a higher being sprayed me with a mist that deflects any type of romance. My luck is laughably terrible, to the point of almost proclaiming self-defeat. I ask myself "why?" Many times, what is the problem?
Now, I have kissed and messed around with girls, however there was never anything solid behind these instances in terms of feelings or anything that would lead somewhere.
It troubles me that love is such a powerful emotion that I'm being excluded from (romantic love that is). Music, art & film portray these alien emotions & I cannot relate. Anytime I would come remotely close I get a flavour of the feelings in my stomach, promptly followed by a punch to the gut. The iron fist of defeat & disappointment.
This problem has persisted since I was very young (13 onwards). Get in a conversation with a girl? Soon after my messages would be ignored. I have spent enough time with myself to know who I am. God or whoever, end my misery & give me a taste.
For a young man like myself, this is problematic beyond just s** or romance. Not having a partner seriously deprives your life. Go on a holiday? With my friends? Everybody would rather spend that money to go on a trip with THEIR girl.
Go out to eat? Go to the cinema? Enough is enough. These issues have wired my brain to hate the world & women. I'm rectifying it but it's tough to not feel envy. I'm not going to be the next Elliot Rodger or the like, I'm not that much of an extremist. I'm simply irritated.
It goes so much further than the simple tag-line "incel". I think for any young man with friends in relationships it's problematic. I really needed to vent, I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I'm not ugly, I'm not 6 foot either but I'm like 5"9 which is tall. I dress well. I workout.
If anybody can relate please comment below.