Sis sucking tonguing swallowing brother

For confessing, maybe my expectations are too high? Or I need more patience. Or I should not be sharing secrets.
Age 11 I began learning my body. Then one day I noticed my brother's erect **. My body touching grew and I knew something was happening. I was attracted to my brother even though I knew family was wrong. I was too curious. And sometimes he was too open to showing and revealing more than he should. As it turned out, he was just ** and wanted to teach me how to ** me how to ** his **. All to eager I enjoyed learning and in the end I love sucking **. Swallowing pre-** was part of it but when he shot the full load, I hated swallowing. But he loved it and would tell me I was even sexier when I swallowed. So I was determined to learn the best way to do it. Stop eating it and just ** it down. If the taste was not good, I'd swallow like bad medicine. Being his pupil and pleasing him was a turn-on. I mastered the art of ** oral and thanks to him. I would some day like to teach my techniques. Our ** was awesome until he told how I was deliciously blossoming and he was proud I gave him the best ** ever and oh, he was accepted to college and more. It was the longest sentence ever not allowing me to respond. I was shocked even though I knew the day was coming. Being positive, still a virgin, only 13, and attractive it was time I find a boyfriend. Now I am 17 and still looking for a good man. My brother and his size spoiled me. Back then I had no idea how big he was. I still gauge everything based on him even though we are now far apart. But always friends. Size does count when enjoying ** and giving the bj with pride in tonguing, sucking, stroking, teething, going deep on a fat head, long shaft, hard fat ** and tight sac, timing, what's pleasing, body language, noises, words, teasing, and finishing him off. Resisting ** was the hardest part. I will remain a virgin until I find the total package that's not family. Girls give or tell me where to find advice. The internet is getting me nowhere except hot ** and masturbating to past memories.