Why I ** almost daily

My once very racy & ** wife hit menopause 17 yrs ago - and became very religious and my 'sister'. Menopause means no more **.
Religion now means no nasty thoughts of meeting my male needs with the once customary BJ's, or even a nice **. **?!.....** She hasn't touched me below the waist in 17 yrs!. Well twice she did - after I asked. Well, I took her hand in bed and gently put it on my ** and asked, "touch me?" - I guess I moaned too much during those 30 seconds of bliss , because she took her hand away. I could hardly breath!
She is a very kind woman - seems to recognize that she might be letting down the team.....and our original understanding that we would try to meet the needs of our mate. But not enough to do anything about it....."soon maybe? "
17 years.
She knows I still find her attractive. She says I'm handsome. Sure.
Kisses like a sister. I'm allowed to touch her, but no fingers "in" anything, (I mean - would you want to put your finger in the ** of a dead woman?) ** are "too sensitive now"....so about as much fun as touching a woman in a coma. She sleeps in bikini ** and a T. I try not to look at her ** when she's around the bed. But, Sometimes at night i can't help it and slide my hands into her bikini ** and fondle her **, and thighs. I apologize later - but she says I don't need to - "it feels nice."
Right.
17 years. Only one person in this house is touching my ** ....
I have kids - so no affairs, no divorce.
I look at her bikini **, remember better days... often now with memories of other women before we married - and ** almost daily.