Pour ur suggestion pls

I'm 34 years married woman having 2 little kids. I love my family and my kids are my world. Before 10 year's ago i had a friend i liked him a lot lot lot but he is very jovial and had many friends and enjoyed his life every moment. I always wanted to talk with him want's to spend time with him. He did that but not only with me but with all other friends.We both worked in same office. He left office and addicted to drinks so I didn't contact him and my life went smoothly. I married and taken care of my family. One fine day he visited office and invited all to his marriage. I didn't went bcs my husband was in abroad that time. He messaged me that y u not came so informed him that i have family and I don't want any problem in my life and u also take care of your wife. Then I didn't contacted him. After a year he had many problems in his life separated from wife and addicted to drinks lot lot lot. He again contacted me and told that he missed me in his life. At that time I didn't realised ur value and want to see you and all. I said no and said past is past now we can't do anything. Be strong and sort out ur issue. But last week I heard that he is no more. Sudden heart attack from my colligue . So immediately i called his number but his mother spoken and cried a lot and said he missed me very much before 3 months of his dead. Now he always in my thoughts and feeling like this needs to be bad dream.i can't able to come out.

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