Herve.B confessions of Thursday 4th June 2009

Hi everyone.My name is Hervé.B.I live in Mauritius Island.I live with my family.I live with my father,my mother,a handicapped brother.I live in my parent's house but in the upstairs apartment.So the problem that I encountered last time on Tuesday 2nd June 2009,is that there was a family dinner at my place.In fact,some relatives of the family were invited by my parents for dinner.On this occasion,there was my uncle Herve.L,May.L,Hensley,Suzy.F and her husband who were invited.In fact Hensley ,Suzy and her husband came to Mauritius for the funerals of Josiane, who is Hensley and Suzy's sister.So on Tuesday my parents invited them to take dinner at home.But in fact I personally in my mind I didnt want to take dinner with them.I was not willing to take dinner.There's no excuse for that.And this is not the first time that I do that since Im not working since January 2009.In fact I have stopped working since January 2009.In the past I have not also been involved in the birthday parties of my niece and my father also recently.As I said there's no excuses for all that,Im the only culprit in all that and Im in fault.I have prefer to remain alone with my problems rather than getting out of myself and meeting other persons in those parties.At least I should have said hello ,how are you for a sign of respect and politeness.In truth,I lacked respect to those people and I wasnt polite.But we are all imperfect and all do errors in life.But I really have to get better and take my own responsibilities.I must say that it is only when there are parties at home or when we are invited at restaurants,that I dont go.Its my choice also whether people like or not.I must admit that it is since I had the conflicts with my exsponsor and that I stopped working from January 2009 that I have accumulated those problems.But I must say that it is true that I dont work and it is true that I lack confidence and assurance in me, but I do what I can,Im helping my mother at home with handicapped brother,Im doing gardening when I can.I go out when I wasnt.It is just when there are parties as I mentionned before,that I choose to remain alone.But sometimes during parties when there are some people who like me very much and who are searching for me,they come upstairs and I talk to them.There's no problem.Or when another day I meet them at home or at any place I say at least hello to them.Moreover,the day there was the dinner at home,sometimes before the dinner.The dinner was at 6.30 PM and about 5.00 Pm or 5.30 PM,my uncle Mario with here wife Majo,came at home in his brand new car they just bought.What happened is that when they came ,Mario did push the klaxon.When I heard the sound,I just looked through the window ,I was upstairs,and when I looked at first I thought it was my sister's car which has the same car color,that is pale blue.So I opened the door upstairs to see what was the matter,and when I got out I saw a man waving his arms saying hello.I just looked at him and then I realised it wasnt my sister.So I just turned my back and in my mind I knew my father who was downstairs would get out and see his brother's car.Once again,I was irrespectful and wasnt polite.And since Tuesday as from Tuesday evening I was feeling bad and I started having fever and cough.And till now Im having the same symptoms of cough but Im taking tablets and necessary medicine.Moreover,I have also my sexual and gambling addictions that are still handicapping me almost every week as I'm not going to attending meetings regularly.For my sexxual addiction,which comprises of masturbation when watching p*** movies or watching girls on Tv or watching girls pass by on the road in front of my house and when I m********* in front of p*** films or clips I phone girls to listen to their voice .I'm a real w*****.Thats how its said.And normally watching p*** movies happens twice or 3 times a week and m********* when wathcing girls pass by it happens at least once a day.Now for my gambling addiction,it is only on Saturdays when there are horse racing meetings on Saturdays.So I go buy my magazine on horse racing on Thursday or Friday and then I gamble on Saturday morning.This happens once a week.I'm also used to listen and watch horse racing program during the week and mainly on Saturdays on TV and on Friday night on Radio Plus Station.Now what I want is to get better to rebuild my relationships with my sponsors of the 12 steps program online.I want to get better with my sponsor B. and D.for SA and GA respectively and find a sponsor for Alanon also coz I come from a dysfunctional family where my father had alcohol problems in the past but now thanks god h'es stopped.I'm the only person in my family to go to the 12 step program.I go to Gamblers Anonymous,Sexaholics Anonymous and Alanon to recover from my sexual,gambling and recover from dysfunctionalities.What I need is to get a schedule,attend meetings online regularly everyday,work steps with sponsors and fellows and seek help from higher power and I'll surely get well.
There's one thing I wanted to add which annoyed me recently.Last time my sister came upstairs to use my computer.And I had left a small document called stepchat,which includes a conversations I had with a member on the stepchat.com the website I go to recover from addictions and where I attend meetings to work the steps..And I dont know if she opened the document to read it.I hope so and I hope she respected my privacy.She came to chat with her husband.My document wasnt her problem,so I hope she didnt put her nose where she didnt have to put it.Anyway,izmo is not my sponsor.so it doesnt matter as it wasnt a meeting also and it was just a conversation with a member who is not even my sponsor.

Jul 8, 2010

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  • Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.
    12 Steps Slogans that helped me for recovery progress working SA and GA program with online meetings and respecting the principles and 12 steps and 12 traditions of 12 step Fellowships. I had series of 46,40,26,20 days and other weeks of sobriety for SA thanks to VOIP meetings and also GA now going to GA4NJ mtgs and sober since 10.08.2015 . For SA and GA, what helped me also having net nanny program to block inconvenient sites. And I mainly watch soccer,KTO channel,listen to radio &also 12 step radio. I apologise for resentments shared in this share I did about 8 years back. In SA, MEN work with MEN WOMEN with WOMEN using the 12 step books and SA white Book. The SA definition for staying sober/chaste is no s** with thyself or anyone else except after marriage. 12 step slogans that I found useful:
    The program steps and tools are suggested; we also suggest that you don’t jump from an airplane without a parachute.
    Live and let live
    Let Go Let God.
    I'm perfectly imperfect.
    Abstinence is a Journey, not a Destination.
    Identify don't Compare.
    Practice an Attitude of Gratitude!
    Change is a process, not an event.

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