Regret having bad thoughts and not acting on them.

I've had many fantasies when I was younger and still do now that I'm am adult. When I was a kid, I would fantasize about stabbing my dad to death. I often fantasized about cutting off my mom's hands because she wouldn't stop touching anything that was mine. I've often thought about going into my older sisters bedroom and having ** with her while she was sleeping. I've imagined myself kicking any student in the face who would kick me in my ** when I was bent over. I'd imagine calling my prinicipal and my third grade teacher a wicked witch because to me, that's what they were. I quit the cub scouts because the kids kept bullying me and I even once thought about burning down the house of the woman where the cub scout meetings took place. I wanted to punch my childhood bully in either the nose or the mouth to remove the smug smile he had on his face when he threw homework I was given out the window on the way to school but never did. A teacher who slapped in my face when I insisted I did an art project right, I thought about slapping her in the face before I left school. A summer job I had cleaning a school I quit in a fit of rage because a woman I worked for accused me of something I didn't do, for the rest of the summer, I fantasized about going back to the school and r*ping her. At my high school, whenever we played floor hockey, two students deliberately kept slamming me into the wall. I thought about taking the hockey stick I was using and smashing in their faces with it. One student kept pulling on my shoelaces and I found myself wanting to kick his face in. At my job, whenever a customer is rude to me, depending on their age, would make me say one of two things. If the rude customer is young, I would feel compelled to say, "Get in a car accident and die." For any customers who are very old and are rude, I fight the urge to say, "Have a heart attack and die." The list of torment is endless. So are all of the horrible thoughts that run through my head. People who read this confession and make rude, hurtful remarks. I imagine myself hacking into your bank account and stealing all of your money and then leaving a message saying, "This never would have happened if you had been nice to me." Strangely, not only do I regret every negative, evil and impure thought I've ever had but, at the same time, I regret never acting on them.

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