Many regrets that I never acted on.
I've had many fantasies when I was younger and still do now that I'm am adult. When I was a kid, I would fantasize about stabbing my dad to death. I often fantasized about cutting off my mom's hands because she wouldn't stop touching anything that was mine. I've often thought about going into my older sisters bedroom and having ** with her while she was sleeping. I've imagined myself kicking any student in the face who would kick me in my ** when I was bent over. I'd imagine calling my prinicipal and my third grade teacher a wicked witch because to me, that's what they were. I quit the cub scouts because the kids kept bullying me and I even once thought about burning down the house of the woman where the cub scout meetings took place. I wanted to punch my childhood bully in either the nose or the mouth to remove the smug smile he had on his face when he threw homework I was given out the window on the way to school. A teacher who slapped me in my face when I insisted I did an art project right, I thought about slapping her in the face before I left school. A summer job I had cleaning a school I quit in a fit of rage because a woman I worked for accused me of something I didn't do and, for the rest of the summer, I fantasized about going back to the school and r*ping her. At my high school, whenever we played floor hockey, two students deliberately kept slamming me into the wall. I thought about taking the hockey stick I was using and smashing in their faces with it. One student kept pulling on my shoelaces and I found myself wanting to kick his face in. At my job, whenever a customer is rude to me, depending on their age, would make me want to say one of two things. If the rude customer is young, as they would leave, I would feel compelled to say, "Get in a car accident and die." For any customers who are very old and are rude, I fight the urge to say, "Have a heart attack and die." The list of torment is endless. So are all of horrible thoughts that run through my head whenever somebody upsets me. Not only do I regret every negative, evil and impure thought I've ever had but, at the same time, I regret never acting on them.Apr 24