I can't stand it

I've always been ashamed for making decisions for myself and I've also been taught all my life to give my everything up to anyone,even if i needed it more.
For the best example,one day i was at school, starving as i had 4 classes left and only an apple (an small apple because they give free apples to kids in my school),i was planning to eat it by next break but my girlfriend ( who just ate) wanted it and i said firmly no. But immediately afterwards I felt bad. She didn't say anything,but i felt like she was judging me so i gave her the apple.
Or when i picked my own seat in a corner and she came and said she wants to stay there. She loves playing games in class and wants me to cover her . I said no as i wanted to stay in the corner and wanted to try to make myself not feel bad for giving it up. But she saw i wasn't gonna let her have my seat and kept begging me to have it. So i said no again. But after one minute i couldn't think of anything else besides the fact i was probably a narcissistic, horrible person to her. So i gave up my seat . I hate myself for this,i feel terrible even treating myself,or talking about things i like i feel like I'm a petty narcissist for even talking about myself. (because a lot of the people in my life who talked over me and went on and on about the things they liked even when i asked them politely to stop)
I also have no one to talk about this problem to. I feel like nobody cares. I've tried telling my girlfriend today and she told me only that I'm just "too nice" .
I know this is a long post,but i needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.

Jun 6

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