I hate myself...

I was in the hospital for a month and spent 3 recovering when I was only 9, when I came back from school I felt different than everyone else.the next year I was harrassed constantly by one child who thought he had the right because I was very small.almost everyone laughed when he made fun of me, even my friends some times.he left after that year, but ever since then i've felt alienated amongst my friends.i've felt like everyone around me is secretly laughing at me.now I cant take anything good in.if I recieve a compliment I twist words and try and degrade myself, and try and prove I'm nothing.when one girl tried to understand and tried to love me, she backed out after only nine days, she didnt like how quiet I was in person.i felt like that wasnt just it, that there was something wrong with me.the next summer another girl tried to love me as well.we stayed together for a month, but she felt like it was only a friendship and not a relationship.she left me and an hour later was giving a guy a handjob not even caring that I was a wreck.she said she made a mistake and took me back, but she then stood by her decision a month later and said we were better off friends.after this I cut myself three times.i then had to move to a school where there were 300 kids in my class, the biggest grade i'd ever been in was only 34.i felt like I didnt fit in and I felt like everyone was still laughing at me.i was almost silent for 2 months.then I became more outgoing and made some friends, but no one knew that I truly hated myself and didnt want to be around anyone.then an incredable girl came by and we had similar pasts and she understood everything that was happening to me.but after a month her feelings changed and she left.i cut twice after this and she found out.she still cared so she brought me to counseling.it only helped alittle but I still hate myself and I cant find anything good about me.why cant I be normal.why cant I be happy with myself.why does everyone seem to go out of their way to hurt me.help me...

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  • thank you so much, you dont understand how much i appreciate you for trying to help me... and these spammers are really annoying.. for awhile i didnt think anyone was going to take this seriously at all...

  • my pleasure, i know how it feels when people actually notice u and want to help, and i wuldnt deny tht to anyone.

  • how old r u now?
    and seriously man ur not the only one.
    girls pretenind to care- thats pathetic crap. find friends, not 'love'. Relationships- theire scarce when it comes to success. Girls are selfish b******-i am one, i would know, im not trying to be sexist cause boys are asswholes asswell.
    But you do meet people who beat the odds. Ans i rather have a best friend than a temprary boyfriend.
    I dont have a bf or a best friend, but i know what its like, were still friends, but i dont trust any of them. When society is as strong as it is now, steryotypes and fitting in-is enough to ruin bonds between people.
    Trust in your family if nothing else.
    Get a pet, a dog- loving- theyre the best, and im not joking when i say they have the ability to change your mood. Unlike people, their there for life, and aslong as you love them, they will adore you.
    embrace the good, and talk to people, get some help! i found that talking to people online without revealing your real identification can really help. you can express yourself without them leaving you, or judging you by wat they see and not by what they hear. it also doesnt n]leave you hanginf feeling exposed and naked.

    -life is like photos here dark when their developing, but create a beautiful picture. When their is a dark time in your life, remeber a beautiful moment is developing.-

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