My husband had a stroke nearly three
My husband had a stroke nearly three years ago, it was discovered that he had bad heart and it threw a clot. His heart was in bad shape because for 10 years he had been abusing sudafed, taking 100 pills or more at a time just to get high. I saved his life by recognizing that he was having a stroke and got him to an emergency room right away. The E.R. doctors were idiots and told me that this was a T.I.A. We had already been there for more than 4 hours by then; I told them that there was nothing temporary about this and demanded another opinion. The upstart of this was that we did get sent to a better hospital where they did indeed confirm that it was a stroke. He had several medications started and a cardioverter-defibrillator placed in his chest. He was home in a week. I started him on his new diet, I began all the paperwork for his disability income and held him while he cried. I held my tongue while his family blamed his bad health on me. I gave up my perfect part-time job with the school, my Girl Scout Troop, My Cub Scout Den and other volunteer work. I picked up a full time job less than a mile away and continued taking care of everyone and everything, at first.
Then I realized I couldn't do it all. So I've given it up piecemeal. I am just too damn exhausted, especially after overtime. Two kids have grown and left home, leaving only two left. Half the work I think to myself. He doesn't cook, he nukes. He gained back all 40 lbs, forget the damn diet. He wallows in his freaking self pity. He doesn't discipline the two kids left. The youngest is getting bratty, no matter how how I try working with him, he is constantly angry. Who wouldn't be, their dad drunk half the time. I took back being a scoutmaster just to have special time with him. The daughter is hardly here, old enough to have her own life, will soon be gone. He rarely does laundry, only when begged. The house is filthy, a huge freaking embarrassment, but I am too damn tired to do it anymore, and they will all let it go again within days anyway. I hate instant food, I have lost 49 pounds, all of that within the first 16 months. I am angry all the time now. I just took on a new responsibility, something to take my mind off of all of this. But I am in soooooooo much pain. His depression. And then my 2nd sons depression. It has finally triggered a depression in me. I feel like I'm going down for the count. And I just can't afford to, I am the family's medical insurance and grocery money. I can't break down, too much is counting on me.
God how I hate them all for never giving anything back to me, never really being helpful, but especially him, my husband for putting me in this place. He abused his body to this point. His depression which he refuses to get help for. His freaking alchoholism. Sometimes I wish he would just die and get it over with. He is killing me by killing himself.