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Developed the stupidest crush on someone I can never have
So, I came out of a relationship a few months ago.. Id been with that guy for quite a while but he cheated on me and we were at very different stages in life so I just cut him off and didnt bother trying to fix things. I had a guy friend who id met a year ago and we were good friends, lots in common he was so sweet and I always genuinely just saw him as a friend (I wasn't particularly attracted to him physically hes not my type and tbh I still dont really think about him in a physical way).
Anyway late last year I met my current best friend and she was so so perfect for him and I knew he was lonely and looking for a partner and she was lonely too so I set them up because I truly believed they'd make one another happy and now they do! and dont get me wrong I am so so happy for them, but hes been distant and he doesnt really talk to me and tbh thats fine too because I think its a good thing and that his gf is number one always. I guess my confession is why do I feel this ** lol I hate seeing him (were academic colleagues all three of us) and I really just wish I didnt have to see them but like I said shes my best friend and were all part of a friendship group so I do see them. The worst thing I am still also hung up on my ex lol I had planned to marry the guy and was so in love beforehand and I guess after the break up I got a lot of support from my guy friend and I felt happy having that relationship with him I guess? but now that relationship is just disintegrating, but since were mutual friends (and have a lot in common and he knows me very well) theres still times where we interact and it makes me so so happy and at the same time sick as **. I just dont want to be around them anymore.. but Ill lose my best friend if I do that.. which ** lol but I think im starting to realise that the best thing to do is to distance myself from the both of them.. whenever I give advice to her/when she argued etc I always always push for them to work together and maintain the healthiest of relationships because they really are perfect together, like I said I dont particularly like the guy in the sense that I wanna be with him, nbut I guess its the loss of those moments we had had before like the laughs and yknow when you get to know someone (we started to get to know each other well after my breakup and I guess those moments are not appropriate for a guy in a relationship) which again Im aware of, but I really hate myself for having these feelings and I think I just wanted a place to let it all out lol. I do have a crush of sorts but I think I just liked his warmth and attention, hes a very caring person and honestly these two are very much in love, but I have a stupid voice in the back of my head thats like "tbh you click with him so much too" and I think if I hadn't set them up I probably would've ended up falling for the guy lol as he was interested till he learned I had a bf. idk its ** and I know so so so pathetic LOL I just needed to let it out.
its so dumb lol, I think Im going to distance myself from them both and just focus solely on my career, I hate the hurt that comes with being around them.
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