Ouch. Married -- Divorced -- Kids -- Girlfriend.

Long post. Warning:

I met my wife "Becky" way back when I just graduated highschool and I was working at Burgerking. My best friend, at the time, "Jake" was dating her. Jake introduced me to her and the 3 of us all just hung out. After weeks of hanging out, one thing led to another and I slept with Becky.

Jake found out, we talked, fought, talked, and fought more. But in the end he just Becky to be happy and he said if she was happier with me than him that is ok.

A few years passed and Becky and I stayed dating, growing closer and closer. After dating for 2 year I asked her to Marry me and she did. At this time I was already a PFC in the US Army.

We are married, im new in the army and we are living in Fort Drum, NY. I was just in my unit for 3 months and it is time for me to go to Iraq. I deployed to Iraq and the first few months we talked every day on the phone. Then less and less as time went on. Soon we hardly talked, but we just yelled -- screamed -- and said things that no one who loves someone should say to another.

I came back from my deployed. I was changed -- deployment does that. If anyone says it doesnt, they are a lair. Anyway... when I was in the sandbox I grew close with my friends -- after all, they were all I knew for 12 months, thru the good and the bad they are all I had to keep me safe and sane.

Each weekend I would have my friends over and have a party/BBQ. Drinking, music, you know the deal. My wife and I grew more distant. Then she started getting real pissy when I would answer the phone. Soon I would answer the phone and I would hear someone but they would hang up.

I'm not a moron, I knew what was going on. I pressured my wife about it but she stuck to her guns and said no, nothing is going on. So I accepted it.

More weeks passed, months... more parties, more friends, less time with her. The one night my buddies and I were watching football. She said she wanted to go to Walmart to get a new house-phone. I didnt care, I said sure. She went -- I stayed. Watched football, drank, and hung out.

She came back hours later, she looks upset but I didn't care at the time. She said she was going to bed -- I said fine. I probably stayed up till 6am or 7am that night. I went to bed around the time she was getting up. I asked her about lastnight and what happend. She said nothing, I asked her where is the phone and she said she never went to Walmart. I asked her where she went, -- she said she went to the barracks and hung out with some people she met when I was deployed.

Yeah, people she met when I was deployed. Male people. Again, I am not a moron.

After that we went to counciling. Marriage councling. Our marriage got on track we were trying for a baby now. She got pregnaunt. We were happy, life was going good. Still the phone calls kept comming and the anger when I answered.

More months passed, we found out that we had to moved to Germany. She was 7months pregnaunt when we fly, we had to get a waiver from the DR so she could fly with me. So we got to germany and I got into my new unit.

I was a SPC (E-4) at this time. The unit I just moved too was deployed so I was told I was going to stay on the rear-detachment since I was recently deployed. Soon, the fights started up again -- and the phone calls kept comming more and more and more. She was 8months preg now.

Finally I couldnt take it no more and I kept hounding her, asking her, yelling at her and she broke down and told me the truth. She was preg. with someone else's baby and she knew all this time. She called me stupid and shown me on the math how it could never been mine. The day she went to get the phone from walmart was the day the deed was done.

I was destroyed. I was conflicted. I was messed up. But all this time, I thought this little baby inside my wife was mine. I was already attached, I had the whole room setup, I picked the colors and everything with the wife.

Soon afterwards the baby was born. As soon as I held that little baby I wasnt mad. I cant be mad at this little beautiful girl. I put my name on the birth cert. I put my name on everything. This little girl had my lastname and I told myself I will forgive her, people make mistakes. Im certinaly not perfect.

Thinks went up and down. Down and up for the next year or so. My wife then wanted to visit her family but I was busy with work so I stayed in Germany. The wife and baby went to the states for 3 months.

We talked on the phone for a little, but I lied most of the time and said I was busy with work. I didnt really live in my house when she was visiting her family -- I stayed in on of my buddies room and slept on his couch. I didnt was to go to my home since it made me thing of her -- and the baby. Even though we are fighting like cats and dogs I would give my life for this person. After all, she was the 1st and only person ive ever had s** with in my whole life at this point in time.

She came back from the states and told me she wanted another baby. I was just so happy that she came back I said yes. So we started trying for a baby, and what do you know, she was preg. again.

One night we were fighting, and she said she wanted to leave me and that she cant live with herself anymore and stay with me. I asked her why and she told me that she cant live with the fact that BOTH girls are not mine.

Yes. It happend again, when she went to visit her family she met up with the father of the 1st baby girl. Well, she did that deed again and came back home and tried to want to say she wanted kids with me to cover it up (again).

But agian, when I married this woman I said for all eternity. No matter what. I'll do whatever it takes. So I begged her to stay, I said I forgive her and that I really wanted things to work. She decided to stay and we worked on things really hard.

It was time for me to deploy again. My 1st girl was now 2 and the new baby was 6months. I kissed all 3 of them and got on the bus to take the ride to the airport to fly to Iraq. The whole time I was on the bus I felt anger -- sorrow -- hate -- love. I didn't know what was happening to me but I knew it was not good.

About half-way into my 15month tour of Iraq the problems started up again. She wanted to talk to me every day for hours on end. But I do the same thing every day in Iraq -- what is there to talk about. I wake up, do pt, eat, shower, fill a generator, make sure the phones and internet are working, watch movies, eat, go to sleep. Rinse and repeat times the whole year. Not much to talk about there.

She said that if things dont get better she wanted a divroce -- she wants to go back to the girl's real father. I was furious -- I was in Iraq and nothing I could do. One night I called and talked to her and we came to a solution. Everything is now back into place. I would be home soon, and be able to keep the promises I made for her.

I came back from my 15 month deplooylemnt. My oldest was 3.5 and my little one was almost 2. They saw me, yelled Daddy and ran to me and hugged me. That was the best filling i've ever had in my whole life. I felt nothing but love when I hugged my girls. But when I hugged my wife -- I felt nothing. I felt like I was hugging a family member that you jsut met at a family reunion.

We went home, tried to do the happy family things. But the same problems that happend last deployment started to happen this deployment. More friends, less family. Don't get me wrong, I divoted 100% of myself to the girls, but after they went to sleep I had my buddies come over.

My wife felt ignored and unwanted. Part of me didn't want her with me, but If I got a divorce I would never see the girls again since she would gget a blood test and they army would find out they are not mine, but another soldier's.

Stay with my wife and be unhappy, but happy for the girls -- or removed my wife but at which point would removed the girls. This is not a decision no man should have to make.

More weeks passed and we decided we are going to do a seperation. I would stay in germany till I could move back to the states and she would go to the states and get a house and set it up and wait for me with the girls.

It sounded good at the time but it wasnt. More phone called to her, more lies, more hate, more hurt, more sorrow, more anger, more l***, more love, more confusion.

This went on for many weeks. At this point in time I a living in the barracks, not in housing since my family is gone.

Almost everyone who lives in the barracks is signle so they always have their girlfriends and friends of girlfriends come over and stay for a few days here and there.

After staying in the barracks for a while my friend introduced me to this female, we will call her "Jill".

Jill is amazing. She makes me feel wanted. She makes me feel like a man. After hanging out with her on and off for 5 weeks -- we have s**.

After the s** I felt horrid. I felt like I just betrayed everything I never stood for. What made it more bad, was one week after I had s** with Jill, my wife emailed me and wanted to talk.

She confessed to me that she doesnt want anyone else in the world but me and she wants us to be togeather and she is so sorry.

I die inside. I donno what to do.

I love how Jill makes me feel, but I love my wife and 2 girls. I know, right now, this second, I love my wife and girls more than Jill -- but each day I spend with Jill my fondness of her grows. She is an amazing woman. So, that is my confession, I donno what to do. Im leading 2 women on at the same time and it is tearing me apart inside. Most nights I can't sleep unless I have a few drinks in me. Its bad. I cant drink over 1L of rum all by myself.

Advice is welcome, and sorry for the long post. I have never told anyone this story.

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  • Look man, i think the wife you should loose! She betrayed you! You love the girls so try to get some sort of agreement, every friday or somthing you can see them. You can't keep going back to a girl that just keeps wrecking your heart! By what i just read your wife is mean. She doesn't love you. A couple of mounths or so away and she runs off to f*** another man. Stay with Jill.
    * You might want to not listen to this. I'm 13 *

  • Best f****** advice i've heard. Even if you are 13.

  • Ditch the wife.

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