Account Login
I need physical attention
I'm female and I was always fat growing up. A strong memory was being kids and doing the playing doctor and I'll show you mine if you show me yours. I remember it feeling taboo and exciting but my next memory is being made fun of and being called a fatty. Through school my best friend was a boy who was also fat but he was also confused about his sexuality (he ended up being gay) so he and I would fool around because we were both curious and ** but also self-conscious of our bodies. He was afraid of letting anyone know he might be gay and I was afraid of letting boys see me because they'd make fun of me. Both of us being fat gave us the confidence to be naked around each other and experiment.
He and I were roommates in college and he had a group of friends that were also confused about what they were sexually but were drawn together by their shared interest in board games and playing dungeons and dragons. Somewhere along the way I became their experimental girlfriend. They'd all fool around with me to see if they liked girls or not. It was flattering to me that they paid attention to me and said nice things about my body. I was in denial that they might be just using me.
After graduation I moved far away to a town where nobody knew me but I quickly fell into the same role of seeking out men who just used me. I had gotten a job but something made me quit and I decided to travel abroad. During nearly a year in Europe and running out of money, I ended up losing a ton of weight. I was living on popcorn and water, walking everywhere and developed an eating disorder. I realized that men were actually asking me out instead of me just using my body to get a date. Feeling better about myself I moved back to the states thinking my life would be perfect and I couldn't have been more wrong.
I moved back and had a hard time finding a job. I started to feel bad about myself and began using ** again to feel better. I hadn't really gained weight but moving back to my old town I felt insecure and fat again. I got a job as a dancer and enjoyed the attention I got from men but that wore off over time and I began hanging with my old friend again and became a play thing for his friends. I knew I was becoming a bit of a joke because they'd take me out and give me dares which always involved me taking off my clothes or letting strangers touch me but I didn't know what else to do with my life.
Now I'm in a regular job but I still dance from time to time if I want a little more money. I sleep with a lot of men in the office and I've been a play thing for a couple women too. I seriouisly thought of being a nun but figured I'd just try to ** all the other nuns or priests. So I don't know what to do next. My life seems so pointless. I don't want to get married because I wouldn't trust anyone and I definitely don't want kids to be a bad example. I thought of moving to Europe but I don't know what I'd do. And I don't know what I need to do with my weight. I know I'm probably not fat but I want to lose weight but I want to eat too. Maybe I need real friends but I don't know where to find any. It seems like anytime I think I've made a friend, they just want to ** me or eat my **.
No Comments Yet