I am M19 dating F18, I am an ABDL and she recently found out...

I am a guy who likes to wear diapers, act childish sometimes, just for the comfort and fun of it. Usually my stuff isn't sexual, I just do this stuff because it's a coping mechanism for me. I had a pretty terrible childhood and had to grow up fast which in turned made me this.
I tried seeking counseling to help me stop but nothing worked. I don't exactly like this side of me, it gets in the way of things, such as relationships...

Recently I got into a new relationship with this girl and wow, let me tell you, I love this girl so much, she is amazing, her personality is awesome, we work really well together, never a dull moment, and she is really really stunning. Blond hair, blue eyes, cute little nose, a bit chubby, she is like perfection to me. However I held this lifestyle of my away from her for a minute, tried to quit because I don't want this relationship to go wrong, right?

In past relationships this part of me always gets discovered or found out, and a lot of the time it is the deal breaker, I never force anyone to try it or get involved with it at all, they just end up finding out and it changes their mind about me.
I didn't want this girl to find out because she didn't need to know, I didn't want her to know because I feel like she will change her mind about me, I can't control this part of me, if I could I would get rid of it, but putting on a diaper after a long day, watching cartoons and drinking out of a bottle is just so calming, relieves my anxiety and stress. I can't quit.

The other night she found out about it, my screen was shared and a little tab wasn't closed, it was an abdl community tab, I find comfort with those people because they are like me in a way, but she looked it up and confronted me about it, I freaked out and started crying about it freaking out, she stayed calm and calmed me down, but afterwards she became quiet, she has openly expressed that this part of me does make her uncomfortable and she doesn't know how to feel about it.
I wish she would forget about it but I know that won't happen, I don't want to lose her, plus she hasn't really reassured me that it's not a deal breaker, so I feel like she is going to leave me anytime now.

How do I deal with this? I feel lost, idk if there is a way to make her more comfortable with it or not. I will never have her indulge in this with me unless she willingly asked, even then I would be iffy. My main thing is I don't want her to leave, I fear it. Any advice or comfort?
Thanks.

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