Trust

My wife is a joyful and supportive person. I sometimes struggle with things and she always finds a way to play things down and make me laugh. This sure helps. I try to provide for her as much as I can but since she is independent she does not really care much for that. Still, I think she likes the small gifts I make. She also knows that when I bring her something substantial it is a sign I will want her help again.
So this time that I gave her a designer fragrance (USD 280 a tiny bottle) she just looked up and with her smiling eyes she asked "now what?".
I was ashamed but I confessed to her I have been struggling with some kinds of x-rated videos and I wanted to quit but each time I did I returned to watching these. She asked me what in particular and I explained.
My wife took a moment then suggested we play out those fantasies and see if this stops my (unwanted) urge to watch x-movies. She told me to go ahead and consult with her so that she knows what I was up to.
I mounted 2 web cameras in our room in a way that they are not obvious. Both are behind our bed. So now when she mounts me her back can be seen. My wife asked if they were connected I said yes. She looked up the screens (one is a general view from about 4 ft, the other gives a close up view of her buttocks) and she removed some things from the view.
I waited on the bed and she went to the shower and came back in a towel. She mounted me and removed the towel. Then she rode me till I shot inside her. Then she stayed open and the viewers could see my ** leaking out of her. She asked me if that was all. I said no there was something else.
Next time we did that my wife ordered a toy online and while she rode me I tried to insert it into her behind. It did not work the first time we tried and she ordered a different one. With a narrow tip and a much wider base.
The third time (yesterday) we did that I managed to push all of the ** into her bottom while she rode me. I nearly lost conscience when I blew my load inside her. I switched off the cameras and then removed the toy from her. It was difficult to remove as I pushed it so deep that it locked up - even though it is an 8 inch model. But in the end we did manage to pull it out.
I checked and there were over 200 people watching the video live. Some made very stupid comments that I deleted.
I wonder if this will stop me from watching those nasty movies. I asked my wife if that was not too much. She laughed and said we need yet another toy. One that does not get stuck.
I wonder if she will let me do this ever again with her. I would very much like to try the other combination - with the toy inside her and me behind, finishing into her other hole. But I am too shy to ask. She has already done so much. There are limits to anything I know. Maybe I will wait some time and ask her one day. Maybe after I find what she actually thinks of making such private but public videos.