In my place

Okay, I'm sorry if I miss spell and use improper grammar
You don't need to really say anything, I just need to tell everyone

I'm a 14 y.o, suicidal, bisexual, drug addicted girl. I started ding drugs when I was 7. I've been trying to kill myself when I was 9. I found out I was bisexual when I was 11. When I was 3 my father tried to kill me in a car crash, I did die in the ER for 3 minutes. All I have ever wanted was for my father t care, it hasn't happened yet. I don't want to give up on hoping. In 2007 my heart was shattered, it took me 2 years t get it together again. I got together with an amazing person, he "loved" me, and then left. My heart was again shattered. I started to cut again, I had tired t stop, it didn't really work. I never really cared for people, but some I really do. My father has epilepsy, I take is medication everyday to get high. I never leave my room unless I'm sneaking out. Most of the day I'm depressed even tho I tell everyone I'm fine. I always think about dieing and running away. I feel like it my fault my parents hate each other. I wish I could be me instead of living in my older sisters shadow. I feel like I need to prove myself to everyone I talk to or see. I feel like I don't matter to anyone even if they say I do. I have trust issues and it ruins everything I do. I don't play sports or do anything that involves a uniform because I don't want them to see my scars and I feel like I'm huge compared to the rest of the girls. I almost lost my virginity to my last boyfriend because he wanted to me to prove my love, I said no, he left me a week later. I don't remember the last time I was truly happy. I always tell my new boyfriend or girlfriend that I don't hate my ex's, even tho the thought of them makes me physically ill. When I think about my family I think about how much they hate me and would be better off without me ruining their lives. I lie about mostly everything I do and did. I always wanted to be a h***** when I was older just to prove to my parents that I want that bad of a child. I always wanted to be raped because I'm afraid to have s** and bleed . I cut myself with razor my ex gave me just in case if I really do died I could leave a note thanking them for it.

Okay, I think that is it, mostly, oh yeah, I hate being bisexual because my best friend said homosexual people don't have souls.

6 Comments

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  • I agree with the person above...you are just posting crap to see what kind of responces you'll get...is your life really that pathetic, to where you need to get internet attention because nobody will give it to you in real life. I feel sorry for you. I really do.

  • AKA, you are making s*** up. sure, at 12 you had your heart shattered. i TOTALLY believe that. and you started drugs at seven. cause yeah, seven year olds do drunks. you are looking for attention and you are looking like a complete idiot. no nine year olds cut themselves. a fourth grader would not cut themselves. and a second grader wouldn't be doing drugs. get your damn story to make sense before posting it. the bisexual at eleven i can accept, because at eleven you are in middle school and puberty starts. but at three you died, right? sure you did. honestly, you are totally immature. gah, what a waste of time to read this b.s. REAL people need help and you are wasting peoples time by trying to make them believe this s***.

  • Hey I'm the one who sent the recent comment above this one I just wanted to let you know if you need someone to talk to just look me up and we can talk okay.

  • Don't be friends with people that put you down because of what you do or like or who you are if you straight,bi,or gay it doesn't matter your still human and every human has a soul and I bet you have a beautiful soul on top of that. You should leave your home and go to a shelter or a place that can help you and give you counseling okay. Killing yourself will not change what has happened and It won't stop anything from happening. You are who you are but I think there is a part of you that you haven't discovered yet. If you need to talk to someone then do it. I think that you don't want to kill yourself but you think it is the only way out I thought that to I have try to kill myself before to because I thought my parents hated me but I know that they don't but even if they did I would still know that killing myself won't make them love me or want me around if you need to sit down and talk to your parents tell them how you feel and if that doesn't work find someone that you can trust and talk to them I mean if you have someone you can live with then move in with them but if not I seriously think that a shelter and counseling might be able to help you. I don't know exactly what else I can tell you that might help you but I hope what I did say helps you. You are in my prayers and I will asking my god to help you and look after you everyday and night.

  • You are indeed having problems with expecting approval from everyone to be happy. So when that doesn't happen you turn self destructive for the negative attention. Attention good or bad seems fine with you.

    Now that you have been doing all of this so long, it'll be very hard to break the cycles.

    You need to remove yourself from your environment. Boarding school, summer camp, transfer student program. Anything to open new chances for yourself.

    Think about that. Stop hiding in your room so you have space in your head to let the negativity to fester.

  • Tell your "best friend" to go f*** him/herself. As for the rest, get out of that house to a runaway shelter and seek counseling.

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