The New "Gay"
What is the sexual preferance that today will get you jailed or murdered or worse? Pedophilia. And sadly, that is what I have. I don't know the why or how of it, i'm just attracted to underage girls. It's not fun or exciting anymore, it's terrifying. I want a normal relationship, a normal life.. But I can't. And there is nowhere to turn, because if a professional (even a priest) feels you are a danger to society then you will be involuntarily institutionalized. So I must resort to an anonymous web-forum to see if there are any good ideas out there that might help.
Let me list some of the things I have tryed:
Went to church, tryed to get God on the problem. No lasting effect, other than additional guilt and remorse.
Went to a psychitrist, almost was taken away on the spot.
Went to the military, that made things alot worse.
Went to A.A. (At first I thought the drinking may have lead to this, now i'm thinking this lead to the drinking)
Went to a few alternate 12-step groups. Those were even less effective than A.A.
I deleted all the p*** off my computer and vowed never to download any more. Somehow i'm back up to 18 GB, and some of it may not be legal. No, I won't lie, over half isn't legal.
Thats the crux of the problem. It's a compulsion. During the entire process my rational mind knows its wrong and protests, but I continue. And how do I even come across all this trash anyways?? I mean, the cops don't seem this effective...
Anyways, This all come down to the fact I want to try a decent relationship with a girl my age (mid-twenties) and i'm terrified every time she sits at my computer, and every time I think about any sort of long-term life together... I want out, I want this to be over. If anyone has any sort of advice on how to un-do a sexual preference, to reset it back to what God intended, please let me know. Thank you, and God Bless