Funny Confessions

50 Cent & Unanswered Prayers

I was paying attention to 50 Cents feed (not yours xyz vain & my 20 year celebrity stalker) because he helped us with our charity event last year. Which had absolutely nothing to do with you. However, I do think you and Les have a thing, why else would she hunt me down and try to get to know me if she was not an ex lover of yours. Jealous, or... [more]

Haunted By Your Music Dayne, What The H***

I was walking around Hermann Park this evening, and whipped around the corner where the zoo was and your damn Rockin song and voice... was blaring from the speakers. Really, like what are the damn odds the universe is going to give me some random sign in the middle of the day in the only section of the park with music that I walk 2 times a week?... [more]

I wonder what she looks like now.

About a million and a half years ago or at least some days it feels like it I dated a girl, So cute, She was just so damned cute and I treated her like crap as most young guys do but we ended up moving in with her mom who had never been married at...17 or 18 whatever and I think it was mostly out of pitty because I had a poor life growing up and... [more]

Making dreams come true.

My friend and I won a trip for two a while back and while on the trip we were sitting at the pool bar, An older couple in their mid 40's were flirting and whatever, I was going to go to bed and went up to the room, By the time I got there I realized I had forgot my stuff at the pool, Went back and walked in on my friend and the woman of the couple... [more]


I locked my boy friend out of the bedroom naked in front of my girl friends and his d*** got hard.

Masturbated in the Louvre

Recently went to Paris, and, well... it just sorta happened. But I bet not many other people have masturbated in the Louvre.

I found this hilarious

So last night after my girlfriend and myself climbed into bed, we realized it had been about two weeks since we’d had s**. So we started doing things like normal and after she had her big O, I started to do her in missionary position. For the first (and I know for sure the last) time, she told me to... [more]

The watermelon plumbing incident

Okay here's how The story goes I must confess I have to go to a maintenance call on a clogged toilet. I first obviously tried to plunge the toilet with the plunger and I have another toilet snake tool that was not going to go for the down or just jammed so I had to pull the toilet. And this is actually apartment I live in one of the units it's... [more]

Pantyhose competition

My wife is tall with amazing tan/tone legs & firm ass. She’s a realtor maintains a professional appearance. She also works hard to stay fit & eat healthy. At 42, I think she still looks amazing!
We recently had friends our age over and I heard the women complaining about how people dress now. Pajamas in public, leggings and tunics…..
When... [more]

I slept with the hot cousin of the groom at my femcousins wedding

So all of these men were worshipping me at my cousins wedding. I was a model and I liked the attention. At my cousins wedding first, at the dinner party this really hot guy and I were fooling around. He was fingering me at the night before the wedding dinner. LOL! I was smiling pretending to be amused by what people were saying but it was... [more]

My stove was molested

I thought my floor was leaning. I thought my thrift store special pots were not level. It was none of the above. My stove top heat elements or burners were stolen they were brand new. Replaced with not general electric brand elements that did not fit properly. Cook top burners or heat elements make a meal cook properly. This thief deserves a... [more]

M********* spraying sanitizer

I spray the sanitizer on my C*** and masturbates. It gives a hot throbbing sensation.

Dom wife's sister gets even

My wife has always been dominant not only to me but her older sister. She's short,big b******,long hair and has a quick temper.
She can be a flirt and most women in our neighborhood distrust her around their husbands.
Her sister only a couple years older recently divorced has come out of the... [more]

Nurse liked my p****

When I was 15 I had a problem where every time I used the bathroom, I would leek p*** on myself after.
I went to the urologist and I had to get a test taken where I pee into a special toilet with some sensors on me. When I went, I had to get a scan of my blatter before and after. The nurce pulled... [more]


Why do girls think its funny to kick boys in the b****?

Anne frank

It was 14 years ago, I was a n*** soldier in ww2, we were tasked with clearing out an abandoned building and... and one of the guys found something, we burst into the room and found a family of jews, illegal jews mind you. anyway, the guys go to round them up and I look in the room they missed, a... [more]


My best friend's mom and I had a late night farting contest in the kitchen last night. She ended up pooping her pants. She was embarrassed but I think seeing me laugh made her feel better and now we have a special bond over farts

Party time

We went to a place for a friends stag, We had a big suite and called in three "Dancers" They showed up, The guy organizing had ordered the three youngest girls they had and when they showed up he asked their ages.
1) 20, Thin, Cute blonde, Tiny t***, No ass.
2) 20, Thin, Cute blonde, Average [more]


When we were younger and our daughter was about 14 in high school I developed this urge to watch her with another man and she fought this for several months before she agreed to j******* our friend Danny.

I had talked to Dan about this before so when I asked him if he would do it he readily... [more]

Jerked a load into her coffee

Sorry folks, im a f****** pervert and i decided to j******* and c** in my step moms cup of coffee. it was a thick load too. hope she enjoyed it

S*** sandwich

My male room mate is a real f****** a******! yesterday he made a few sandwiches for his lunch, stepped into the shower before he ate and i took the bread and wiped it between my ass cheeks and left a little [more]

Party, Party, Party.

A couple friends and I go to this huge outdoor concert every year in a valley near by, Buddy borrows his dads huge toy hauler camper and we set up in the party zone and it is always a blast, lots of people just randomly come by and drink and so on, One thing we always do is bring Moly, Lots of Moly and we just slip it to whoever, This past year... [more]


I snorted cocaine off a hookers ass hole.

I crashed CheaterLand {dot} com

Decided to help out cheaters worldwide. Cheaterland was telling on too many of my friends. If you want to thank me, drop me an email at hermanvl {at} pm {dot} me

I love boobies

I love boobies, my dad collects the newspapers for the topless page 3 women, I used to wankey to them whem mum and dad went to bed. Pretty good huh? -Matthew Lee Prior

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