Funny Confessions

Dude

I like you but not to the point that I wanna reach out to you. But if you stalk me everywhere we'll that is on you you should be the one reaching out and not me.

You’re going to burn in ** forever dad

When he was in my life my “dad” (let’s just call him sperm donor after this) was a real piece of **. Physically and emotionally abusive, narcissistic as **, would fly into a rage and throw actual tantrums, and get physically violent when his 10 year old... (more)

It's me

Mostly hover cats cupcake mixture woes lectures losing lucky godfather unhappy coffee lectures

I just jacked off and now I'm studying for a Cisco NetworkingExam

This isn't some weird embarrassing thing, i just thought it was kinda strange. I am studying for the CISSP. The first tab I switched to after yanking the chicken was my course material lmao. what the **? i think my life is pretty great, this isnt some sad post where I complain, i just think its funny... (more)

Driving Teslas

I find it funny that so many people driving Teslas identify as Democrats but but buying Elon’s cars they have and are continuing to donate their money to the Donald. Suckers!

Pants and wedgies

First my pants fell down and everyone laughed. Then some kids gave me a wedgie. Then my pants got pulled down in front of a dancing poodle show crowd. Then the poodles gave me a wedgie. Then my pants fell down in church, the pastors wife gave me a wedgie. Then my pants fell down when I was on national tv interviewing Diddy and HE gave me a... (more)

Women are phony

It's funny how women pretend to be in a relationship suddenly. They want men to chat on social media. So you do and then their statis changes. they never say anything back. I figured them out. They grab the nearest guy and say oh I'm in a relationship yeah that's right.

Elon and MTG, trouble?

Elon is making increasingly offensive comments about women, working hard at strengthening Bro culture and sidelining “girls”. He better watch out for that bull Marjorie Taylor Green. She might grab n of her many strap ons and let Elon have it the same way she gives it Lindsey, Mike J and the other groveling old white men of the GOP.

I bullied a famous ROCKSTAR by accident & he became my GROUPIE.

(TL:DR!)
It all started with a random DM. I assumed it was some troll or catfish. So, what did I do? I went full ** mode and insulted the ** out of this scammer.
But plot twist! I get another DM. From a legit blue checkmark-verified account... (more)

Sisters bring baby into mens toilets

It has been a long time since I confused
Earlier today I was peeing at the urinal as you do 🤣🤣 when two young girl walks in to the mens toilets to change their baby sister nappy. Apparently someone was using the changing table in the ladies and they didn't want to wait or have time. Not mach really happened we talked a little bit but the... (more)

Stranger(s) Obsessed with my thoughts and personal belongings

No matter where I go or how many new devices I buy to replace the old hacked devices I had, a stranger or strangers find way to possess it I think the obsession got so real that he/she/they would probably invade my private thoughts and dreams. Check this out! I don't believe I have privacy in my own so called home They are also being nosey on... (more)

I am afraid…

I am afraid for my god who I refer to as Tee Rump. He is scared to debate a woman. He is old. He has no plan. He acts like a five year old calling everyone and everything stupid, but has zero to say that is constructive. I fear for my hero. He is but a crybaby, even at such an incredibly old age.

Tickled by my Ex’s Friends

Was seeing this guy for about 6-8 months. We got fairly close. He was 7 years older than me. We got along really well and close to his friends who were older too. I was invited to a kickback they were having, my bf at the time didn’t go, he went out of town for work. We were all friends. We were all drinking being loud and just having fun. Can’t... (more)

I'm I a bad person

I'm I a bad person.I was in my local supermarket last night at about 9pm the store had 2 other customers down one end of the store and all the floor staff working that end of the store.I go up to the fruit and vegetable end of the store when a boy 16 comes out of the storeroom which has a small ramp he is pushing a trolley with one hand and... (more)

Massage in thailand

The summer between 8th and 9th grade my family took a trip to thailand. We stayed in a resort that had massages nearby. On one of the nights when my parents were out i went and recieved a massage there. While i was there i ended up receiving a ** later returning the favor to two well endowned... (more)

Marjorie Taylor Greene

I think MTG looks like a farm animal.

Standing up to trailor park bully backfired

I was staying with my aunt and cousin one time. They lived in a trailor park. At the time my cousin was 9 and I was 12, we're both boys. Before leaving for work she gave us some chores to do. One of his was laundry and she mentioned that some of her clothes were still missing. It didn't take long after she left to find out what had been happening... (more)

Masturbated on a Mexican Restaurant Table

One night after a Mexican Restaurant closed I got on one of their outside dining tables, and played Mariachi Music from my car's radio, got naked and wore a sombrero and then laid down on the table and started masturbating.
No one saw me because it was around 2 in the morning and I was ** and felt... (more)

The day I got ball busted by accident from a ** girl

I was doing photography work and this girl named Miss Fluffy she was 18 hired me to be her camera man. It was an easy gig she just wanted me to film video footage of her handheld or on a tripod. I was filming some youtube promo videos for her video clip store. One day we were working late and I started getting this major crush on her. I did not... (more)

My good friend Don

My good friend Donald will soon be on trial for several crimes that he is likely to be convicted of committing. I was afraid he would be subject to rear entry abuse by fellow in,ayes but then I had a realization. Since he is incontinent and wears adult diapers, fellow inmates won’t have interest in that approach. Whew…

Mechanical bull

I love watching women ride the mechanical bull, especially if they have only a tiny dress or skirt on. Its only a mater of time till the whole room can see their **, bare ** or sometimes even bare **!... (more)

At the Flea Market

So I went to a big flea market yesterday looking for some bargains. A lot is the usual stuff; old furniture, bad paintings, beef jerky etc.
The highlight though was this guy selling stuff out the back of a Cadillac Escalade.
He was selling special bibles that also included the constitution, the pledge of allegiance, and a copy of the... (more)

I fantasize about buying….

I want to buy Trump Tower from Letitia James. Hoping I can get it for something less than a million dollars. If more, maybe I will just buy the penthouse for like $100k?
Don Poorleone is expected to have his foreclosures start today. Hope he doesn’t leave his used diapers in there when he moves out. But, if he leaves Melanie there, I could... (more)

New Golden Kicks

I really want a new pair of Trump gold sneakers. They are so good looking! The man is a genius, a Genius I tell you! Many people will be jealous and it will convince others to switch allegiances. While I only make about $30’ a year, I still think this investment will be good for all mankind.

I'm a troll

I sometime coment on social media with outrageous statements just to get an emotional response........ then alter my comments ever so slightly so the other person looks like the bigot. I usually do this on reddit and rarely have any stake in the topic.
I also use multiple accounts to start political arguments with myself, then sit back and... (more)

Mature tomboy neighbor

My new neighbor is a 73 year old tomboy. She looks good in her jeans and tank top. She is physically fit and healthy and loves to wrestle. She has wrestle since the age of five. After we got to know each other we have started wrestling with each other. She is one tuff lady. She has a good knowledge of wrestling skills and technique. She is... (more)

Ganged Up and Tickled By Friends in High School

Spring break was coming up. It was a short day. I didn’t wanna go to school. But one friend that I hardly saw at the time invited me over to his house and said he was having a small kickback at his house his parents were at work and he was having ppl over to smoke out. So I went. And 5-6 of his friends showed up with drinks and weed. We were just... (more)

Some of you won't think this is funny but I think its hilarious

This pest lived across the street from me and I didn't like him coming over. He did anyway and I decided to teach him a lesson. We were at my Grandparents house during blackberry season and there were often black kids picking the berries. Going into the pasture where the berries and pickers were the kid followed me. Once out of sight of the... (more)

Hhumiliated my boss in front of his woman

I am a brown belt in bbj, and my boss (work on a farm) wanted to challenge me in front of his wife for fun. He didn't even take out his denim jacket, as he was sure he would win easily. I tossed him around and forced him to give up three or four times, all the time as his wife was looking. It was amazing!

Non ** flash!

Was out last night. It was quite windy and a girl infront of me was wearing a tiny mini skirt. I was ready in anticipation of a cheeky flash but when it finally blew up I saw she was wearing thick cotton shorts! Each to their own of course, but surely it the good and proper thing to do while wearing a skirt like that is to wear a thong ... and the... (more)

Reminders of the past in a wicked way

I woke up to a beautiful day. The sky was blue the oxygen was good. I had a smile on my face. Then this happened. Out of the low a person decided to make statements of my past. It was the day and days before my rabbit Boo crossed over the rainbow bridge. The statement was made I assume with hate. There was an eye above watching I assume some kind... (more)

Controversial opinions

1) the internet is fake AS **.
You can't tell me other wise because i will not give a **, people are so judgmental and even I am too, people are human and we all have our own taste and **, for example... (more)

Girls peeing with me

I went for a walk along the beach after a hour or so I needed to pee so found a little cave and went in to pee, little did i know two young teenage girls were following me on the path.
I noticed they were looking/watching me then one of them said sorry we need to go aswell do you mind.
I said of course not I wasn't expecting them to come either... (more)

Plus size women wrestling

I like to watch two plus size women wrestling on tv. Those are those some great matches.

Intimate desire, of ** that is

Well, I guess I'm here to confess to a little kink I have. I grew up in a normal suburban life, married parents, siblings and all that. I have a twin sister, and as kids until we hit puberty we shared a room. And you know what made me jealous? All those pretty ** and camisoles she wore. I... (more)

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