I'm 17. A virgin. Insecure. Depressed. Sexually repressed. Self-conscious, guilty and alone. Around the age of 5, my cousin brought me and my younger siblings into a room, and began teaching us things that felt good. Masturbation and sexual things. He touched them, but wouldn't touch me. I almost cried. I felt ugly. At the age of 5. Through the years, we began engaging in sexual behavior with each other. Honestly, I didn't know it was wrong until I turned 13. Honestly. Since then, I've been blaming myself for this, my brother(who idolized the man who started it all)blamed it on me and my younger sister. We had a baby sister in 2000. He did things to her. The only sibling not bothered by this abuse was my older sister. I blame it all on myself. I want to have s** when I'm married, but I think I'll be afraid because of what happened to me. In my mind, s** is good, but then again, it makes me sick to my stomach. I m********* sometimes, and then again, I don't, because I'm afraid I might be doing something wrong. I hide my pain and feelings, because this memory keeps me from being who I really am. I'm afraid of myself. Afraid that I will never be able to be truly happy. Afraid I'll never be able to be me. I'm just tired of crying. And therapy doesn't help much. I feel crazy and disgusting and ugly and stupid. I'm tired of crying, tired of hurting, tired of complaining, tired of talking.

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  • Masturbation isn't wrong and neither is s**. What happened with your cousin and siblings was wrong but it was not your fault, obviously it was your cousin's. Hunny, I'm 17 too and I've actually been sexually abused by one of my older cousin's too and I was depressed for a long time but trust me when I tell you, it gets better. Just try to be happy. I'm not saying you should do what I did, but I basically cut any ties I had with people who made me feel bad in any way and now I feel a lot better with myself. Remember, one day at a time. Good luck, I wish you all the happiness in life! x

  • Have you considered becoming a dominatrix?

    Think about it. You would have a willing slave or three at your feet who would tell you how wonderful you are and give you o******. That should help with both your self-esteem and getting-off issues.

    As for the past - well, that's the past. We're not allowed to go back and change it.

  • shut the f*** up then!!!!

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