My dark past

Long ago when I was younger i did things that tore apart my very soul. This dark secret has been carefully hid away. Only those that were involved know. However my responsibility for this is my own. I have paid what I owe to society for my grievous sin. But I cannot escape the guilt and shame. What I did is so egregious I struggle now to come to terms with it. I was raised a baptist, and to those core beliefs I held true in my life. Though since this I cannot forgive myself I cannot help but to live a life of repentance hoping that the life I destroyed could be healed. I cannot set foot inside a church or the guilt and shame consume me. I did what I had done to me and became the thing I hated most. How could it have come to that. I grieve everyday for the pain I have caused. I recently learned this pain was repeated and my sin has continued down a progression I did not start but was a link in its chain.

I must find a way to ease my soul of this deed. I could not find solace in forgiveness. I could not find peace in God. I tried placing my sin at the foot of my Savior and still this feeling persists. I walk amongst the living as a dammed soul terrified of the fate that ails me. I had been a christian, strong in belief and devoted. I had been saved but I lost my religion. How can I return to peace what must I do to let God work again within me and remove this awful stain from my soul.

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  • You physically abused a child, didn't you ? but as you say, you were abused yourself. The constant in this cycle is religion and it was religion that gave rise to such perversion through sexual repression.

  • it's on youtube, just go to youtube first and then add the rest, or search "God saves bad people"

  • please watch this:

  • Did you rape someone? If so, go to h***!!!

  • If you believe in h***, you must believe in God. It's interesting that "Thou shall not rape", isn't one of the 10 commandments" recounted in the bible. Clearly, it wasn't regarded as one of 'God's' priorities for his followers. Indeed there are numerous instances in which the Bible openly advocates the rape of women.

  • The reason you feel guilty I'd because you havnt accepted what God did on the cross! You are constently trying to pay him back, but it is done! He died for you, he loved you that much! When you accept this and choose to let him forgive you and you forgive your self things will change. And a agree therpy is wonderful!!

  • I agree. Therapy will surprise you.

  • It's up to you to be the change. Start a new chain reaction - this time, a positive reaction. If you can't forgive yourself, you need to change yourself - become someone new. It makes the day to day a little more liveable. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid of therapy. It's not for everyone, but if you give it a chance it might help.

    You can't change the past, but you CAN write your own future.

  • This is like PTS where there is no way to go back to reverse your decisions or other aspects such as that. Soldiers who suffer from this may eventually heal their emotions and humanity. You live in constant regret.

    You are different. You continually, voluntarily subject yourself to an atmosphere of fear of poorly transcribed rules which lack compassion needed in our society, to live with our neighbors. A society which IS NOT THE SAME as when that book and rules were invented.

    You want peace in yourself. Peace is unattainable until suffering is eliminated. Stop suffering from your brainwashed rules and take ownership of your decisions and emotions.

  • Tide with extra bleach, stuff works pretty good most of the time.
    Gets out a lot of stains anyway.

  • ur an ass

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