Already Lying

We've been on one date officially, and I'm already a f****** liar. I'm sorry for it, but I didn't want you to hate me.

We went on one date last week after talking online, and it was really fun. I was nervous and probably led us down one too many wrong streets, but you seemed cool with it all. So I talked again 3 days later, following the old rule, and I thought we were heading for another good date eventually.

But my confession is that I slightly stalked you online. I used your screen name to look up your facebook and was following you for a little while. I didn't friend request you, and I didn't talk it about when we were talking. So then I wandered onto your formspring, and thought it would be interesting to know more about you by asking anonymous questions. I asked one about if you had a boyfriend, and you just responded "no..." When that went over okay, I tried it again, just asking if anyone else knew about your sexuality. But I guess I'm just a complete f****** idiot, because I forgot to make it anonymous or something, and the next day you texted me "you're funny"

My heart immediately started racing and I swear I nearly had a panic attack. I played dumb and asked why. You just said "formspring, lol". I was ready to die and I raced home to see if I really left it anonymous or f***** up, and I really did.

You didn't answer, but I was nervous and made up an excuse that I never knew you had one because I was afraid you would think I was some creepy stalker. So I made up a story that my aim account got hacked and stole contacts and that same thing happened to my friend. You became immediately paranoid, and that made us both scared shitless. I apologized a million times and immediately deleted my formspring and aim accounts just to play along. After apologizing in several texts, you eventually said it's okay it wasn't my fault.

I'm soooooo sorry that I'm a f****** liar. I was just afraid of losing the closest thing to a boyfriend I've ever had. But I realize that even if you do believe me (which seems impossible to me) then there is no way on earth that you can ever trust me.

I'm sorry and I realize I'm a f****** idiot for lying, which is worse than being a little bit creepy. Please forgive me, please. And please give me the strength to admit this to you. I'm tired of f****** up every single thing that's good in my life because I'm a compulsive liar. Please forgive me, please...

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