You all have seen my posts on here: the gay 16 year old who was close to a friend named Josh. It's Matt again. And I confess my lonliness.
Josh, who was the summer youth ministry intern at my church, does not know I am gay. In fact, only five people know I am gay and my sexuality is a huge secret because there is a chance I could die in the town I live in. Josh and I made up and were still close, but then he had to go back to college. We still are extremely good friends, but now I'm starting to feel lonely/depressed because I...well, fell for him. Head-over-heels.
I do not know if he is gay/bi, but it sucks not knowing. It's h*** knowing that my dreams are bittersweet: in my dreams, we can be together. But in reality, that may not happen. Another barrier is that he's African-American, and I'm Caucasian. I am mainly attracted to black guys, but again, I don't know his sexuality or his turn-ons.
I just wish that things will work out and maybe we could be together. Maybe we could get married, start a family, and die peacefully at a ripe old age.
I was so happy this summer, but now I'm so lonely. Just as Akon had it in "Mr. Lonely": "So happy, but now so lonely."
Josh, if you are reading this, please just talk to me. And if you're not gay, then please don't hate me.
The worst that could happen is me losing you as a friend. That would destroy me.