So Lonely...

You all have seen my posts on here: the gay 16 year old who was close to a friend named Josh. It's Matt again. And I confess my lonliness.

Josh, who was the summer youth ministry intern at my church, does not know I am gay. In fact, only five people know I am gay and my sexuality is a huge secret because there is a chance I could die in the town I live in. Josh and I made up and were still close, but then he had to go back to college. We still are extremely good friends, but now I'm starting to feel lonely/depressed because I...well, fell for him. Head-over-heels.

I do not know if he is gay/bi, but it sucks not knowing. It's h*** knowing that my dreams are bittersweet: in my dreams, we can be together. But in reality, that may not happen. Another barrier is that he's African-American, and I'm Caucasian. I am mainly attracted to black guys, but again, I don't know his sexuality or his turn-ons.

I just wish that things will work out and maybe we could be together. Maybe we could get married, start a family, and die peacefully at a ripe old age.

I was so happy this summer, but now I'm so lonely. Just as Akon had it in "Mr. Lonely": "So happy, but now so lonely."

Josh, if you are reading this, please just talk to me. And if you're not gay, then please don't hate me.

The worst that could happen is me losing you as a friend. That would destroy me.

Oct 16, 2010

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  • Uuuuuuuummmmm so whats up Matt? :(

  • Let me say this. We are all God's children. While I do not believe it is appropriate for you to have a gay crush on a church intern, I do believe you need to come out. I met my first gay friend in college, but when we met he was not out. I knew he was gay because he liked me (I'm straight). Because of the awkward gay tension I decided it best to not hang out with him any more. Apparently this was a bad move as I recently found out (almost two years later, now) he had really been hoping to be accepted. Had he come out sooner, we may still be friends to this day. I have other gay friends that I am very close to and some of them I know like me.

    From a Christian point of view (which I suppose you have) however, homosexuality is a sin and is repulsing to the God you serve. He does not love you any less because you are feeling curious/confused/whatever it may be. He only wants the best for you. We all know the story of Creation... God created Adam and Eve and they had awesome s** in the missionary position. That is how He designed it. Man and woman (the hole is up to you, just make love to a woman). I am sure that if you speak to your youth pastor he/she will be willing to help you make the right move here. If you do not feel comfortable with that, I would suggest find a more progressive, liberal church in your area and begin to work with them. Not to convince yourself that homosexuality is acceptable, but because they are accepting of who you are.

    I really hope this helps you.

  • It's called asking him. If he stops liking you because you're gay then he's a piece of s*** and not a very good friend.

    You need to get laid, bad. I volunteer.

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