I feel like...

I feel like crap. I'm so jealous of my friends that go to different schools than I do. It's such a complicated story, I won't even explain it now. Anyways, I've been going to school..for almost a month now? And I'm having SUCH a hard time making friends after all my friends left me(the friends that I made at the new school). I was in the process of becoming good friends with one of the girls at my school too, but I'm not sure if she left or if she's just sick. If she left too, she'll be the next person that I actually like to leave. I love school, but not having any friends makes me want to leave a little. This is the 1st time where I've ever had a legit reason to feel sad or lonely. In 6-8 grade, I always claimed that I was lonely, but I had people to talk to. Now, it's not like that anymore. I'm actually lonely on this Earth. I know that God is here for me, and will never leave me, and I feel bad for feeling this way, but I am still lonely. I'm 15, for chrissakes. I want girlfriends to be able to gossip, and play around with. It's hard when Jesus is your only friend. Like I said, I've been trying to make friends, but I'm too intelligent to fall into the wrong crowd. (Unfortunately, sometimes.) One of the girls that I talk to regularly drinks and smokes marijuana. I don't do that. I even turn down apple cider with alcohol in it. I don't want to get on the wrong path because the chance to go to college is TOO important to me. My dream is NYU, and I can't let anyone take that way. I still feel lonely though. It's hard to shake. After my best friend left, I've been struggling. I made the mistake of only being friends with her and one other girl that also left. Now, I'm alone. I'm too insecure to sit alone at lunch, so whenever anyone in my school isn't here that I associate with, I'll eat lunch in the bathroom. It's a shame, but the only reason I'm staying in my school is because I have a crush on this guy, and I'd like to get to know him better. That's it. Well, one of the reasons. I won't go into the other, it's not as important. Anyway, yeah. I'm lonely, and I'm sad, but THANK GOD, it is NOT affecting my studies. Like I said, I can't let anything mess up NYU for me.

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