Scared of life

I think I'm an introvert. I like going to movies &eating out with friends but I rarely go to clubs or parties even tho my guy friends constantly keep me up to date &invite me. I don't have girlfriends. Many in my town r pregnant &still party hardy anyway &leave their kids with the grandparents. I can't hang with females that go out almost everyday &do not care for their kids. I never cared bout keeping up with crews &cliques. Somehow I still stayed in them &I still am kinda with the guys. I need a female friend. I'm 4months pregnant. I hope ill be a good parent. I should be. I dont care bout going out. I like being alone. I cant handle too many ppl at once. I had a boyfriend of 5yrs. I'm 19. We pushed each other away. We agreed we'd be together. Have kids together. We broke up. I got a rebound bf bc i was angry lonely sad. I got pregnant. He fell in love within 2months of dating- freak. I broke up with him bc he casually admitted the whole thing. I went back to my ex of 5yrs. He's jealous my baby wont be his. &now he doesnt want me back bc he can't be with me if I'm not having his baby. I ruined my life. I never go out bc I feel like im not experienceed enough on life. Ppl like me im just terrified ppl deep down really don't like me. I know others r funnier then me &better dancers than me. now that I wrote all this I realize I have a self esteem problem. I should just go out &try while I can. Unti I have my baby. Bc then I'm not going out for a long time. I'm pretty. &pretty ppl know how hard it is. Ppl hate us bc we're pretty. Get to know us.

All of this has been getting to me thankyou for reading.

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