Cannot move on
I have been hurt many times by guys before and this has caused me to stop looking for love altogether.
I have been never been pursued or pursued others. I'd like to feel once, just once how it feels like to be chased. Guess it wont happen anymore. I stopped hoping and is quite content with my life.
I couldn't bear to look at couples for it reminds me of things I will never have. I try not to go out often. I try not to have friends as well. Most of them have boyfriends and this hurts me to know that I dont have a story to tell.
So I stopped talking to people unless really necessary.
Guess you could say I am beginning to lose it.
I had a sick father. Meaning a sadistic man who loved himself more then us. I guess this could also be a reason for me to hate men.
I absolutely despise weddings because it is cruel for singles like me. I hate to see the bride smiling with happiness and whatnot. Ha, see you in 5 years b**** when you're getting a divorce.
I know, I have become a bitter and cynical woman but I cant help it. How is it some women have so much and some have so little?
On Valentine's Day I close all the windows and doors and lights and curl up in my bed, asleep the whole day. I dont want to see anything.
Now that Im older, I am beginning to accept my fate.
I realized one day that it doesn't matter anymore. So what if I dont have a boyfriend? So what if I will never have children and have a family? So what if I am doomed to be alone?
It doesn't matter when I finally finish my degree I am gonna end my life. =) This clarity is amazing. I wish I could have felt this sooner. =)
For the time being, I will live normally.