Cannot move on

I have been hurt many times by guys before and this has caused me to stop looking for love altogether.
I have been never been pursued or pursued others. I'd like to feel once, just once how it feels like to be chased. Guess it wont happen anymore. I stopped hoping and is quite content with my life.
I couldn't bear to look at couples for it reminds me of things I will never have. I try not to go out often. I try not to have friends as well. Most of them have boyfriends and this hurts me to know that I dont have a story to tell.
So I stopped talking to people unless really necessary.
Guess you could say I am beginning to lose it.

I had a sick father. Meaning a sadistic man who loved himself more then us. I guess this could also be a reason for me to hate men.
I absolutely despise weddings because it is cruel for singles like me. I hate to see the bride smiling with happiness and whatnot. Ha, see you in 5 years b**** when you're getting a divorce.

I know, I have become a bitter and cynical woman but I cant help it. How is it some women have so much and some have so little?

On Valentine's Day I close all the windows and doors and lights and curl up in my bed, asleep the whole day. I dont want to see anything.

Now that Im older, I am beginning to accept my fate.
I realized one day that it doesn't matter anymore. So what if I dont have a boyfriend? So what if I will never have children and have a family? So what if I am doomed to be alone?
It doesn't matter when I finally finish my degree I am gonna end my life. =) This clarity is amazing. I wish I could have felt this sooner. =)

For the time being, I will live normally.

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  • From one woman to another..stop, wake up and change your life now TODAY. You have so much to live for. I get that you're not really feeling it right now. We all go through dark spells, but time to snap out of it!

    Stop basing all of your happiness on whether or not you meet a man. So you've been hurt, we all have and survived. All of your friends are getting married or finding boyfriends..nothing new here. Think positively that maybe they have single friends who you can be set up with!

    Valentines Day doesn't have to be the day where you shut your self off from the world or turn a blind eye when you see a couple holding hands.

    You're just depressed and lonely. And you think what's wrong with me..ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! You have to be okay with YOU, before you let someone else in. You don't have to be perfect (no one is), but you have to be happy. And it's just you haven't found the right man. Just takes one.

    You have awesome friends and family. They would be devastated if you harmed yourself. Reconnect with them. You need them in your life. Go out for a drink, movie, cup of coffee - whatever - and have a good laugh with an old friend.

    If you really want to meet that guy..you need to change your attitude and get out there. What do you enjoy doing? Find a group - like on meetup.com and makes some friends. Let people know you're interested..and don't be discouraged.

    That guy isn't going to just knock on your door (although wouldn't that be awesome :-)) Join a dating site, find some single girlfriends and go out on the town or whatever. It takes effort.

    Also work on yourself...go out for a walk or exercise. That will help with some of your depression. And will make you feel better about yourself.

    Don't give up! He's out there. A lot of times we meet those guys when we're not looking. So get out there and start living your life.. Make that be your epiphany for the day.
    Good luck! I don't know you, but I know you can do this..

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