Advice Please! Boyfriend in love with HIS Sister
I admit it- I'm a snoop. It's a bad habit of mine that my boyfriend is well aware of. One day I found his old rehab journal that he had to keep when he was 17. I was interested because I didn't know much about him during that time or what he went through in rehab. I found out much more. I found an entry about how he had never had much luck with girls (I am his first girlfriend) and then a few entries later I found an article about his sister who is a year younger than he is. He wrote about how he's always wanted to impress her and wanted her to think that he was cool because... He was in love with her. He continued to say that he would always look away when she undressed because he knew that he could never be with her. When I read all of this I felt guilty through reading his private words, and I was a little weirded out. I love my boyfriend and so I tried not to let this phase me, making excuses like 'maybe it's because he never had luck with any other girls and his sister was the first girl to accept him' or 'maybe he just was confused and really missed his sister while in rehab' or that maybe he's out grown it (he was 17 at the time and he's now 19. I guess it's not that long ago, but he's certainly grown up since). It seems like he could have out grown it, since they use to be inseparable and now he always complains how he hates her. However, when he goes off on rants about how much he hates his sister or how he wishes she were dead, I wonder if it's just a coverup for his true feelings. He gets furious whenever he finds out that she's hooked up with a friend of his and when i ask him about why he gets so mad he says it's because 'nobody wants their sister to be known as a w****' or 'any guy would be mad if his friend hooked up with his sister'. I can't tell if these are valid points, or again just trying to coverup his real feelings. I now feel myself getting jealous of his sister whenever he hangs out with her or even laughs at what she says because I'm afraid that he still has feelings and would rather be with her.
How should I feel and think about this? Is this something to be concerned about? How do I know if he still has feelings? And what's eating at me the most is: should I tell him that I know? At first I was just going to keep my mouth shut as to not embarrass him but I think about it every day and I just want to get it off my chest.