Advice Please! Boyfriend in love with HIS Sister

I admit it- I'm a snoop. It's a bad habit of mine that my boyfriend is well aware of. One day I found his old rehab journal that he had to keep when he was 17. I was interested because I didn't know much about him during that time or what he went through in rehab. I found out much more. I found an entry about how he had never had much luck with girls (I am his first girlfriend) and then a few entries later I found an article about his sister who is a year younger than he is. He wrote about how he's always wanted to impress her and wanted her to think that he was cool because... He was in love with her. He continued to say that he would always look away when she undressed because he knew that he could never be with her. When I read all of this I felt guilty through reading his private words, and I was a little weirded out. I love my boyfriend and so I tried not to let this phase me, making excuses like 'maybe it's because he never had luck with any other girls and his sister was the first girl to accept him' or 'maybe he just was confused and really missed his sister while in rehab' or that maybe he's out grown it (he was 17 at the time and he's now 19. I guess it's not that long ago, but he's certainly grown up since). It seems like he could have out grown it, since they use to be inseparable and now he always complains how he hates her. However, when he goes off on rants about how much he hates his sister or how he wishes she were dead, I wonder if it's just a coverup for his true feelings. He gets furious whenever he finds out that she's hooked up with a friend of his and when i ask him about why he gets so mad he says it's because 'nobody wants their sister to be known as a w****' or 'any guy would be mad if his friend hooked up with his sister'. I can't tell if these are valid points, or again just trying to coverup his real feelings. I now feel myself getting jealous of his sister whenever he hangs out with her or even laughs at what she says because I'm afraid that he still has feelings and would rather be with her.
How should I feel and think about this? Is this something to be concerned about? How do I know if he still has feelings? And what's eating at me the most is: should I tell him that I know? At first I was just going to keep my mouth shut as to not embarrass him but I think about it every day and I just want to get it off my chest.

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11 Comments

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  • I'm going through the same situation.
    He grew up with her sister, she's the same age as me (15). They shared the same room for 15 years. He's 18. I'm friend of his sister, and we talk normally, but now they moved for a bigger house and now they have their own room. But sometimes they sleep together, and he says that is because they shared the same room their entire life. I love him, and I'm sure he loves me, but sometimes I get so jealous when we all go out and all he wants to do is talk and do s*** with his sister. I should be happy because he has a good relationship with her, but I feel that their relationship is more than 'friendship'. But then when we are together, he says that all she does is stupid and that she's dumb, but I'm sure it's just to cover up her true feelings. I don't know what to think, but I'm her first girlfriend and we are together about a year. Does he loves her sister in a different and special way? Is it weird when he sleeps with her? What should I do?

  • I'm going through the same thing, I get so jealous when we all go out and all my boyfriend wants to do is talk, and crack jokes with his sister, there was this one time he almost cried talking about that the only family he has is his sister and his mom , he doesn't have a father he only grew up with them both, but anyways everytime she walks by when we're watching tv he always looks at her and her ass (she has a nice ass) and she's always wearing little shorts, one time she dropped a couple of things on the floor and she bend down so her ass was a little out and I didn't know if he was looking at what fell or her ass but more than likely I felt like his eyes direction was at her ass, and you know they always text he doesn't like her boyfriend simply because he's cheated on her which is understandable , but it sucks that everytime she's around I get so jealous cuz I feel like he's looking at her ass and I know my eyes ain't playing tricks on me cuz I peep everything....and I really love him but I can't help to think that his sister could possibly turn him on... And I also have bad dreams of them and it's just a huge stress and not only that I'm pregnant by him and I'm moving in with both of them and the mom so I guess by the time I get to know what's really up ... I just hope I'm crazy...and thinking wrong but I know them eyes go to her ass :(

  • I feel the exact same way. Going through the same damn thing except his mom doesnt know nor lives here. I feel the sister does things on purpose to turn him on cause she knows hes always going to look and that hes into her. We used to live with his sister and thats when I started noticing those things. Girl I get jealous all the f****** time too when theyre always texting and hed be laughing with it. It feels like when we have problems he always turns to her. Makes you not trust him. Makes you feel like youre just a friend and not his lover. He says that hes in love with you but you know hes in love with her too. Reallt sucks but at times you have to fake friendship with her. What I know is that all of that is Sin. My dads a pastor but im not going to tell him. Told someone at church and theyre still praying about it. I hope things can go back to normal but since I found out, I have been having trust issues with him. Do you ever find that when you talk about it with him he gets defensive about her(ya gurl it means he is in love with her). A guy who is in love with you would do anything to protect you and help you not to feel that way. One of my friends who has(theyre still together) a boyfriend went through the same thing. When she openly talked to him about it he beat her. She said she felt out of place and as if he beat her for his sister. She said his sister was always changing in front of him and trying to get his attention(what a s*** right). This was a long time ago and since he stopped talking to his soulcalled prostitude sister their relationship got stronger and happier, they even moved away far from her later as well. Anyway wish that was how it works out for me but not too sure. Their bond is too strong to believe. His ans my friends notice it too and ask me if theres something going on between them but i never said anything. Its honestly a shame for them and is very nasty as well. What do I do? HELP

  • It sad to hear that you are moving in with them to tell you that im in that situation and its horrible because you dont kbow what to do i soend my time in my room only go out when i have to do things i have to do or cook and to see her makes my stomach turn aroung ive talked to my boyfriend about the situation also but he denies it i know what goes on and im not stupid i also fake asleep so i could see or hear but i havent found them in a situation were am sure and she also wears short shorts that she also showed her cheecks am just waiting for that one moment to happend and i could tell myself its over i am gone and i have a 3 year old imagine when he was small he was so attached to her that he would come inside the room and see if i was asleep i dont know why he would go back out and he would stay out in the living room i dont know why she use to be around the house but its an awful feeling

  • It be hilarious if he put that there to mess with you O.O

  • his points about his sister hooking up with his friends are valid. maybe he hates her cos she hooks up with his friends, that is disrespectful to him.

    you never hear anything nice about yourself by eavesdropping, and the same goes for reading other peoples private journals/diaries etc etc.

    if you hadn't pried into his personal thoughts you would still think he's the best guy ever.

  • I would confront him, yes its wrong to snoop, and hopefully you get that now. But this relationship will go nowhere with you having this in the back of your mind. Plus are you ever gonna feel comfortable around them two or with his family knowing this? I would calmly say you needed to talk to him. Then say Im sorry but I need to tell you that awhile back I went though your personal stuff and read your journal. Then tell him the part you read about his sister and see what he says. Unfortantly things like this just dont go away. I personally would break up with him , I would never be comfortable not really knowing the truth.

  • It may have been a passing phase considering what he was going through. If it is really bothering you and you think something is off with your bf and his sisters relationship, you may just want to bring it up. Especially if this is a relationship that you think is going to last for a long time and this issue continues to come up for you.

  • We all have our weird quirks. I know it may seem strange to you, but he can't help the way he feels. Try to be a little bit more understand, I would say. I know you can't stop those thoughts, like maybe there is more there. To be honest though, if you love him, stay with him and accept him. If you don't accept this and move on, or at least confront him about it and talk it through, then you two weren't meant to be.

    Just an honest answer I mean no disrespect.

  • That 2 people above has no heart.

    Anyway, here is what I would do if I were you.
    I would say him sorry first of all for reading something that I shouldn't have. And I would ask him how he still feels about her but I would still love him no matter what.

    Cus for me, whoecer he loves and whatever he does is his choice.
    I will be happy as long as he is happy either he loves me back or wants to be with me or not.

    But that's just me. I'm not saying this is the best idea.

  • Tough luck. That's what you get when you are nosey b******

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