It is what it is

I am an 18 year old virgin girl who is not sure who she is. I am a freshmen in college with so much going for here. My life is great. I have great friends, great family. But I AM NOT HAPPY. I have it seems as if everyday, I put on a mask that is supposed to get me through the day. Most days it works....but then i do something or say something and D notices right away. I don't know what it is....I feel alone in the most crowded of rooms. There are three people who matter more to me right now than anything....and i am attracted to all three of them in one way or another.

K. is my best friend. she is smart, pretty, funny very artistic and simply put the best (girl) friend i think I've ever had. she genuinely cares about me, which leaves me confused.I've never felt so happy as to when i say something goofy and she smiles at me.

C. is one of my two best guy friends. He is 32, has a wife and child on the way. He too is extremely smart. He is handsome and witty. He takes time to tell me about when he was younger and his life, telling me things no one told him. PERVY!! omg so pervy!!! And i can't help but look at him, as he is dressed in his all black clothing (looking sexy) and think to myself, "why did you have to be married?"

D. is the best. he is excellent, he has gotten me through the toughest phases of my freshmen year. He seems to be the only one of my friends who truly understands where i am coming from. He is the friend i tell all my secrets to and that i come to when they day just seems to get worse and worse. I think i love him most.... but much to my dismay...he is gay, but that really doesn't bother me.

The thing that bothers me about this whole thing is that i am not sure what i am (sexually) or who i want, all i know is that i want to be loved by someone.

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  • I know at 18 it feels like you've been waiting forever to be loved, to lose your virginity, but I didn't meet anyone until then, and ever since(I'm in my 30s now) I've met too many to count, some were serious, some weren't. I guess you're thinking you might be attracted to your (girl)friend. Nothing wrong with experimenting, although it might change your relationship with her if you value her friendship.

    Let me ask you....are you REALLY confused? I look around and am attracted only to women. Men are disgusting. For me, there's no confusion. And I bet you really know the answer.

    Stay away from the married guy. I'm about his age and been flirting with a younger woman. It's a terrible idea for both of you.

    Don't despair. Life is tough at 18. It will get better. In the meantime, be active and productive. Pursue interests, don't obsess about this or you'll reek of desperation, which no one will be interested in. As soon as you truly stop paying attention, that's usually when the right person comes along.

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