Wanting To Be Selfish

I want to scream and hurt you and call you out for hurting me. I want to be immature and not care for you anymore. Instead I'm doing my best making you leaving me as easy as possible. I'm not raising a fuss, or talking to you. I'm distancing myself from you to allow you to let go of any feelings you had for me. I've grown some from this breakup, but I wish I hadn't. I lost some of that wonder and purity that I had when we were together, and because I loved you first, I won't get that back. I never felt that we were falling in love, but rising into it, and now that it's over, the inevitable fall has come. If I haven't hit the ground yet I don't know what I'll do when I do. The girls I meet now can be wonderful, but I can't help but compare them to you. They often come out of my judgment looking good, but glaring differences remain that try as I might I can't look past. I know time will heal me, but the indifference you show for the time we spent together is current enough to cut me afresh daily. If I seek closure with you, I'll end up screaming, but so will I if I don't. Is the answer really to let time make us strangers? What can you say about a relationship that inevitably ends in rage?

I love you.

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