I'm allowed, theoretically
I've been with my husband for five years now; we're both bisexual and we've always fantasized about having a threesome. The trouble is that I don't want to have s** with someone I don't like, and we don't want to have s** with someone who doesn't want both of us. There aren't a lot of out bisexuals around, especially in our professional school circles, and we connect with so few people I despair of it ever happening.
I started professional school in a different city from my husband last fall and met someone. We study together and cook together and exercise together and are constantly emailing and texting, and it is all absolutely aboveboard since I tell my husband everything. They've met and my husband is attracted to him, too. We've talked about it extensively and have contingency plans for when/if my friend hits on me, and if, if, if he is interested in men as well as women. Neither me nor my husband is worried about our relationship: that's not the confession.
I am constantly fantasizing about my friend. Daydreaming, staring, waiting for him to respond to my emails, playing out how we might get together with my husband in town... it's a constant preoccupation. I pretty much know that he's totally straight, but he's liberal and open-minded and into gay culture (through his friends? I don't know) enough that I keep a little hope kindled all the time. And it might make it weird if I asked, so I just keep waiting for it to come up (will it ever come up?). I guess some part of me doesn't want to know for a fact that we can never sleep with him because, jesus, I crave this man.
Every time I see him I want to tackle him to the ground, preferably in some grassy area under an oak in spring. I love the way he dresses, his sweaters, his coats, his corduroys, but I want them off, off, off and I want to roll around naked with him, wrestle, kiss his neck and nipple and wrap my arms around his waist while I suck him off. I want to watch my husband suck him off. I want to trade off with my husband driving him crazy, doing everything he likes. I want to hold him down and I want to be held down and I want to team up with him to hold my husband down. I want to walk around his house naked. I want to wake him up with a massage and then rake his back with my nails and tie him up and not let him come for hours.
My husband was in town this weekend and I must have come on his hands and tongue and c*** 15 or 16 times. But I've been turned on all day, just picturing the three of us, imagining what my friend looks like, back flat on the bed, mouth open, eyes closed, neck arched, with me on top, my husband behind me.
In short, I'm going crazy. I'm afraid I'll wear out my vibrator. I'm afraid I'll make a fool out of myself. To make a frustrating situation worse, my friend has a girlfriend, though they seem less than close. When she was here, I think he spent more time talking to me than to her.
So: if you've just started professional school, and you're friends with a kicky girl with an amazing partner (you don't know we're married; we don't tell people that) who's taller than you, and you like c***, sweet jesus tell her and put her out of her misery. Here's a shibboleth: ask me about touring wineries in Mendoza on that trip we're all three planning. Maybe we'll go, and we'll taste more than just wine.
If you don't like c***, don't tell me. Just stop being so f****** amazing with me all the time, I can't stand it.