Making Mistakes

I've spent most of my life.. reading the Bible, praying, Going to youth group, and walking this Path through Christ that most crave for.. My path was so well paved with lots of faith and determination. Most people saw me as inspirational or as someone who had everything set out, who knew what they wanted through life. Than I hit this major downfall with my Youth group.. everyone started to turn on me.. and they were so angry with me but no one had the guts to tell me what I did.. No one has yet to tell me what I did. Than one day they were all just okay with me. But everything made me question all I believed in.. it made me second guess these people that I thought were Family, people who knew more about me and more about my past than most. It made me wonder if there is a God.. why hadn't he helped me? I lost my faith. I stopped going to "youth Group" and I made some new friends... before I knew it.. I was smoking a joint three times a week and plastered on weekends... I was lying to my parents... and Lossing control. Than my best friends and I were talking and me being one of those poeple who thrive off honesty.. I opened up and was honest with them about my behaviors and One took it really well and was understanding, while the other basicly told me.. Her or the drugs. Being only 16 and lost.. I lied I told her I picked her but I didn't. The day after I made the promise to quit.. I got so crossfaded.. that I threw up everywhere and I woke up with a stranger in my bed (Imagine... I had to explain that to my boyfriend) Now.. I sit here lost in the world I created. No longer knowing who I am.. or what I want to be! I'm scared... if I quit.. I lose something I rely on.. something that oddly enough filled the emptiness the now lay inside me.. and if I continue.. I lose the people whom at one point I would take a bullet for. If you were in my shoes... what path would you walk down?

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