I dont even know anymore
I just need to vent. Please let me just say it.
I'm 13, almost 14.
5 feet 1 inch, 100 lbs. And I feel like the fattest, worst, piece of crap in the world.
I let people treat me horribly. I starve myself. I punch my thighs daily and have bruises that won't go away. My cuts are everywhere. 5 on my ankle have stayed dark for 1 month now and arent fading. I love when I bleed. And I'm addicted to the self abuse. I can't stop. I have a counseler and I can't even tell her.
My self image is, and has always been, horrid. I don't go a day without thinking I'm a fat ugly discusting whale. It's sad. Because a girl my size, who fits into size 1's and sometimes even 0's shouldnt feel this way. But I do. And I don't know why. All my blubber swims on my body and all I want is to see my ribs and hip bones. I want my collar bones to jut out prominently. And when I think about my problems at home, with my mom, I just want to carve away the fat on my body and see the blood pool at my feet.
I've tried stopping my bad habits. But I'm addicted.