I dont even know wtf i want

My girlfriend of over a year broke up with me about couple of weeks ago because I went to a party when she was at work and she said I wasn't there for her. We tried to make it work for 2 weeks after the party then she randomly decided over spring break that she could never feel the same about me. Now every one of her fb statuses are happy...but her best friend informed me that she is actually pretty fragile right now and is upset a lot. I feel like crap because I actually want her to be depressed. I want her to feel worse than I did, I want her to come back to me crying, begging me to take her back..but I would just turn her down. I cant stop thinking about her and now I'm just stuck in a rut where all I do is think about either her coming back to me or some miracle perfect girl entering my life. I know neither will happen without me doing something about it, but that's not the type of person I am cause I'm really passive. I just need a way out of mindset..

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