Odds against us

I'm thirteen years old, female, innocent, and a completely well-behaved, straight A daughter. And I have fallen in love with a girl who lives hundreds of miles away.

You may say that I'm young, confused, and just experimenting with my sexuality, but I'm really not. My whole heart belongs to my girlfriend, and I think that it always will. I can't see myself with anyone but her, EVER. I may seem stupid for saying that I feel like I'll be with her forever, but it's the truth. She's confessed the same to me, and we're detirmined to make it work.

But... How can we? So many odds are stacked against us. Our young ages prevent people from taking us seriously, or letting us visit each other. The fact we're both girls makes it impossible to tell our parents and most of our friends. The distance makes it even harder, because I never get to see her in person, only over video chat. I feel like this relationship is impossible to carry on... Yet I never want to end it!
I'm so torn and confused right now; I'm trying to figure out how we can keep our secret and still love each other fully. I want to hug her and kiss her every day, but I can't. My friends that know tell me to give up on her, that I should date a boy at my school and forget about her. I can't listen to myself, or my friends, or really anyone. I want to continue to love her, but everything is screaming at me that I'll fail.

What do you think? And do you know any ways I can make this work?


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  • I had a similar story, I met a boy who lived on the opposite side of the planet when we were 12, and we slowly fell for one another. I convinced my parents to let him visit when we were 17, and he ended up living with us for 1-3 months at a time on four separate occasions. He proposed and we were going to be married until he hurt me badly enough that we had to break up. Now I'm with a girl who I am very much in love with, but even now as a young woman I know not all love can last; whether it's with someone you met online and you are 12, or if you're 60 and have been married for 35 years.

    My advice would be to mention her to your parents, even only in passing (X said something so funny today, etc.). Tell them about her and start laying the groundwork for a possible visit in the future. It took me a long time but it was worth it.

    More importantly, if you think you might be gay, I would tell your parents and friends your thoughts on that now. You know your parents better than I do, however, so I wouldn't tell them if they are going to freak out or kick you out. I just know that I have always been attracted to both sexes, and I wish I had told people earlier; it's a lot easier coming out at 13 than at 20.

  • Listen, the person posting above is right. Be careful of young love, its confusing. And if you really love her, then you can do something right now. Tell your parents. If they hate gays/lesbians it's their fault, not yours, and you shouldn't lose sleep over it. If they seriously can't understand you, and call you something stupid like a failure than just laugh it off. If they are really like that, they're bigots, and don't deserve respect. Wait a few years, keep contact but date someone else if you want to, make sure your both ok with it though. When your old enough, review it. But don't keep this secret.

  • I don't want to diminish your feelings for your girlfriend, but the first time you feel love for someone you are not related to, it seems more intense and permanent than it actually is. This is because you have never experienced this feeling before, and it seems so perfect, so meant to be. The truth is, there are very, very few people who spend the rest of their lives with the person they were with when they were 13, but everyone thought their first love would be their only love.

    I am not saying you should end your relationship with her now, or that you should force yourself to date someone, or date a gender you aren't attracted to, but keep in mind that love, especially young love, can fade. And that's okay, enjoy what you have now, and take each day at a time.

  • You should follow your heart. Don't listen to anyone but yourself, because in the end youre the only person that can make yourself happy. Just wait a few years. tell your parents you have a pen pal. and you want to visit her.

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