Can't believe I'm confessing this

I'm not really sure how old I was. I dug up an old picture with both of us in it, and I looked to be four or five. He was one of my brother's friends, so that would put him about 13 or 14 years old. It happened repeatedly. Just oral. He only did me once, all other times I was the one sucking him. Once on my mother's bed. Sometimes we watched p***. He'd bring this black bag with the videos and tell me to go get it. We'd watch them in the living room while my brother and his other friends were in his room playing games. I never made him come, he said I used too much teeth, but he said that if I did go fast enough it'd taste like candy. Sometimes we'd go in my brother's room while everyone else was playing video games. He'd sit a chair with a blanket over his lap and I'd do it. I can't remember how many times it happened.

Sometimes I wonder if my brother knew. It would be hard not to, right? It happened right in front of him. And it happened several times. Sometimes I wonder why he didn't tell. And if he did tell why didn't it stop. And when I'm back visiting family, I'll see him walking down the street(small town) and I'll try not to let on that something's wrong or else my family might question them. I don't want to ever know. I never told anyone this. I never think about it. I never talk about it. I know that it is illogical, that I'm the victim and haven't done anything wrong, but in keeping it a secret for so long I feel like I did do something wrong.

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  • You didnt do anything wrong though. Just because its a secret doesnt mean you were the wrong person. everyone has secrets and not all secrets have to be known so keeping it from people doesnt make you bad. You could always just go see a therapist and talk about it.

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