I get it now
She is the one you miss. 'The love of your life'. And yet between your family, friends and neighbors that I have talked to, not a one has anything nice to say about her. See, when you and I started, you two were at the end of it. I liked her. But I didn't know very much and I'm starting to get a clearer picture. The 'love of your life' was a no count trailer park beauty queen. She wasn't good for you, you all just f***** a lot. Your life with her and way of thinking and living led you down the road that ended up with you having a PFA against you. And since we've been together, you've done a 180 and are putting your life back together. I'll tell you, I was feeling bad. But I'm getting a clearer picture of who she was and I'm starting to understand A LOT. Why your kids are monsters and why you had no standards and no real grounding to speak of. Nobody liked her, dude. She let her kids teeth rot in their heads. And just kept popping out kids. Left her husband for you. Not the two guys she was also seeing- but you. Then a month after you, it was Jim. She's never been alone. But as much as she accused me of 'man-stealing' which I did not do (because if that was possible I think I would have stolen Hugh Jackman or at least someone with a six figure income) the truth is, she's NOT an independent woman. She's a very dependent woman who lets the men in her life discipline her kids while she sits there and watches. She's not independent. She never was. She was very dependent on chaos- you both were- to keep going. You were codependents, baby. And you may have gone well together but you were extremely unhealthy together. Kind of in the way a crack addict likes crack- but in turn, he has no teeth and is willing to suck d*** in a truckstop bathroom to support the habit.
No, I get it now. I'm feeling less and less guilty. I think... I think I was supposed to be here.