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I Use What I Can
I am only 16. I shouldn't have done it. I'm too young. I have so much to be happy for. But for some reason, it's easier being depressed and stressed. I cut myself. I took the knife and I did it. I took the scissors and I did it. I even took the cap of my pen and did it. So many times. And in the moment, it somehow made me feel stronger and relieved. Like everything would be okay. And now I can't stop. Because I was wrong. I'm not okay. And I always feel like people expect me to be happy and smile every single day. And now I always look at those scars and hope nobody ever sees them. I remember hearing from somewhere: "I'm a cutter. Even if I don't do it for years, it's still going to be me." I find this true. Because even when I don't do it, I'll think about it. No one I love knows. I don't want to scare them...
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I'm a cutter, my scars are faded but I know there there even if no one else can, I have the words Pain and Hate carved into my left arm I have a heart with intials on my ankle. My friends know I've done it but they don't know that I have continued to do it when I'm really hurting inside. I'm not a serve cutter but I am one. The first time I cut Was after a friend of mine got killed in a car crash, I used a knife didn't work that well, I used and needle and got the job done, but when I put that cold tip to my skin I lost myself but I also felt relief for the first time in a long time, I have only cut when I am seriously dieing inside
I don't want to but I can't stop myself from doing it.
My little sister was a cutter when she was 16 and 17. She stopped going to high school. She ended up going to therapy and using a biofeedback EEG machine to help heal herself. Then she went to community college and passed her high school exit exam. Now she has graduated a year college with a degree in neuroscience, is well-adjusted, has a genius boyfriend, and is considering applying to a PhD program.
Get your issues worked out. Go to your school counselor, seek help. If not your counselor, then research and find some place where you feel safe. Do this for yourself, loving yourself is the first step to happiness.