I dont know what to do anymore

My parents got divorced two years ago because my dad was cheating on my mum, after she kicked him out he went and stayed with his new girlfriend, he cheated on her too, she treated me and my sisters like dirt, she even made mr cry on christmas day. they fought alot and she found out that he cheated on her, so she kicked him out too, mum has always had a big heart, and didnt want our father living on the street, since he had no job at the time. so she let him move in with us until he found a job and somewhere else to live.

i was 16 at the time. my dad and i never really got along, during his stay here he made our whole family miserable, and physically hurt me. he would get angry at small things and grab me by the neck or hit me, he did it in front of my friends one time and i felt so embarrassed i didnt know what to do, my friends were over and it was during the school holidays it was just past 11 and my dad was lying in his bed.. mum had gone to sleep because she had work at 6 the next morning so she asked us to go to the living room to talk because she had to sleep.. the living room was closer to where my dads room was. we were having a good time untill my dad stormed out of his room and started yelling at me saying "why the h*** are these people here. you should be in bed" i said, "its school holidays and mum said i can have them over as long as we stay here in the lounge room because she has work tomorrow" he got really angry and grabbed me by the neck and he said "you better tell them to get the f*** out of my house if i will" i was scared and i ran to mums room, my sister who was 13 had a friend over too and they heard everything, when i got to mums room i was balling my eyes out and i told her what happpened, all of a sudden dad burst into the room and grabbed me again by the neck, mum and my little sister who was 10 at the timestarted crying and didnt know what to do, i tried getting out of his grip and when i did he kicked me in the ribs, i fell to the ground and he walked out, then he walked into the lounge room and said to my friends "get the f*** out of my house now" so they left, it was so embarrassing. and i couldnt stop crying, my sister and her friend were so scared they locked themselves in mum's car.

a few months ago me and my mum started fighting alot. she started sleeping around and fell pregnant and took it all out on me. the person i went to was my boyfriend and he was there for me. she then kicked me out i still dont know why. she got my dad to come over and help her move my stuff, i went to work that night and when i got back all my stuff was moved out of my room into the study, my parents moved all my sisters stuff into my room except her bed, they gave her my double bed and they gave me her single, which barely fits in the study its that small. i have no cupboard or any space to put any of my stuff i have. they said to me you can find somewhere else to live. i went and stayed with my boyfriend for a while then came back and talked to my mum and she let me come back but i still live in the study now. its about 2.4 x 2.9m (meters) and i literally have no room for anything i have been living like this for about 5 months now. i have to buy all my own clothes and food and hair stuff, anything i need i have to pay for with my own money. and all i want is to finish school and move out.

things have never really gone great for me, ive never really had alot of friends, and now ive lost another friend, i thought she was a good friend but i was wrong, shes done alot of bad things to me but the worst was when she had a party at her house and i got really drunk, this was when i was 17, i passed out on her bed and one of the guys who were there raped me, she walked in on it and instead of pulling him off me she started to film in on her phone and spread it around school the next day. it hurt me alot, but i forgave her.

now the same girl, who i thought was my friend doesnt want anything to do with me because she stole one of my friends id's and when i got asked about it i told the truth. she cant even forgive me for that. when people at school asked me what happened i told them that she lied about getting an id taken off her so she can keep it, which was exactly what happened, and then another person who i thought was my friend told the one who stole the id that i was b******* about her behind her back. so now i lost two friends because i found out that one was two faced the whole time and out friendship one sided, and the girl who stole the id wont talk to me and cant forgive me for something as little as that when i forgave her for spreading my rape video around school, it hurts me alot to think that people i thought were friends never really thought of me that way,i dont even want to go to school anymore, it has become so bad that sometimes i lie to my mum about going to school. the only two people i have left is my boyfriend and my best friend who has always been there for me since the start of high school, if i lose them i dont know what ill do.im in year 12 this year and i finish in 4 months. i cant wait till i finish and i never have to see anyone from that school again.

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  • the person who commented above is absolutely right. Hang in there, things will get better. Sounds like you've had a really hard life, but just trust me when i say that life will get better.
    Take really good care of yourself!!

  • Hang in there! Your parents sound like a real pieces of work..sorry. You said mum..so not sure where you're from..UK? Not sure what the laws are, but the rape is not your fault and it may seem embarrassing what happened next, but you have no reason to be. That girl is a b**** and should be arrested for filming the rape, you could report her to the police for taping a crime and not reporting it. I think she's be considered an accessory to the crime. She could get in a lot of trouble. And the other girls are not your friends. You're better off in the long run. You need people who you can rely on. They are out there, you'll meet them. Stay strong. Graduate and do whatever you can to go on to college. A brighter future awaits.

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