Perfecting a Genuine smile

My life is a long long bad dream that I can't wake up from. I don't want to be a poor me so I put on a strong man face and I have perfected a genuine smile to hide my real feelings but some days I just want to wake up and leave this place. My mom kidnapped me when I was 2 and we lived on the rode for 9 years. My only true true true love from high school and my best friend died and I have never fully healed from that. I was in a 4.5 year relationship with a man that was cheating on me for 3 of them and I didn't know it untill the end. And now I am in a relationship with a HIV positive man but I am negative and we can't have s** so that puts a huge barrier. So now my life is sexless, filled with insecurities, and pschological issues. How much can one person take in one life? Why couldn't I just have one problem? Why so many have been put on me? God I wish I could just wake up and be 18 again.....well 21 cause I do like to drink.

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