Nothing else to say
I've known my wife for 25 years. 3 weeks ago she said she wanted a divorce and that I was to move out. Every minute of the day, existence is torture. We had broken up from 1994 to 2004, and I was miserable - completely hated myself and my life - for a decade. I could barely even talk to my family, much less date others. I've seen pictures of her during that time we were apart - she had boyfriends, travelled a bit, and had some really good times. But she came back and we got married in 2005. Now she wants a divorce.... and I don't think I can get through it this time, I can't spend the rest of my life feeling that way. We have kids now, and I can't escape. I'm even supposed to pay her to make it easier for her to do this to me. It hurts to be alive. And the only thing I think of, even while I'm asleep, is suicide. I want nothing else but to be dead. However, actually taking those ideas and impulses to the next level is something different. I hate the idea that I will have to wake up in the morning and feel like this again - over and over. One day I won't wake up, and that day can't get here soon enough. I confess that I would like to put myself into a position that taking my own life becomes more than just a fantasy.