Sometimes I hate him
My (ex) boyfriend and I had been together for a little over three years and had really grown up together. Things started off really sweet and we were deeply in love, but then went downhill as some of his secrets were uncovered about old friends of his who had killed themselves (including an ex-girlfriend of his in an especially traumatic way) and his family issues came up.
About a year and a half into our relationship, I met this really wonderful guy at stay-away pre-college camp and pretty much fell in love. I ended up choosing to stay with my boyfriend, but the feelings for the other guy had/have persisted, albeit deep down and hidden to even myself.
After that, our relationship pretty much fell apart. We went through a few psuedo-breakups and I was diagnosed with a dissociative anxiety disorder and depression (both of which I'm happy to say I'm through with) from the stress. We always I ended up getting back together--usually from me caving and just needing some comfort--but I don't think I was ever 100% happy.
This guy spends nearly every second of every day talking about how depressed he is and getting into fights with his family. Admittedly, his family has serious issues, but so does mine! He gets "disowned" or "kicked out" every other week, I swear.
I ended up breaking up with him about three weeks ago, and while we have stayed in touch because of a large group of mutual friends, I'm glad to say it has been completely platonic.
He calls me often to talk about his problems, and sometimes I am sympathetic, but mostly I just feel myself growing frustrated. But I feel bad because I don't really see how anyone can really keep up with the depth of his problems and the attention he needs. And he keeps saying that "everyone lately has f***** [him] over."
I mean, I love this guy because he will forever be my first, but he is just plainly not the sweet boy I fell for. Or maybe he was always this way and I just never saw it? Either way, I still feel like a b****.