I'm a 29 year old married mother of

I'm a 29 year old married mother of 3.... well I only birthed 2, the middle child is my stepson.. but I might as well be his mother. I have been married for over 6 yrs to a wonderful man that I have known since I was 13. I have a child from a prev relationship that is 13, my stepson is 9 and then we have a little one together. Here are all of the horrible things that go through my mind on a daily basis and I want to get them out!!! I have to get them out! I'm a contiributing member of society.. go to work everyday, make plenty of money and take care of my kids like anyone else does... but.....
*** i smoke pot on a daily basis.. sometimes I start at 7am before i leave for work, smoke a little during lunch and then immediately start smoking again when I get home off an on until I go to bed. ( i hide in my bathroom where the kids cant see me)
*** i also pop xanax like candy,. sometimes 3-4 per day.
***i think about killing myself almost daily, but i dont think i would ever follow through w/ it
*** i've been conversing w/ an x-boyfriend of mine from high school that i ran into at my high school reunion lst year. i feel an overwhelming need to sleep w/ him and he feels the same way. we just havent made it that far yet. so far, it's only contact by email but every time we get closer and closer to scheduling a meet up. i'll end up cheating on my husband.. who is a wonderful father and husband and doesnt deserve it!

I"M A TERRIBLE PERSON!

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  • You probably should not be risking your family for some a****** who wasn't good enough to be with in highschool! As far as the xanax: get help for it! Smoking pot is no big deal, but excessively it can be very, very bad. I bet you started with the xanax after you had been smoking for a while huh?

  • Filthy putrid w**** !

  • Interesting post. Fact is you are a terrible person. You are not alone however as most of humanity are terrible too. There are very few relatively speaking that lead such a noble life as to be admired by others. Each new day you are alive is a new day to start again. I smoke pot almost everyday too. I have for over 20 years, but I rarely drink and take no other drugs. Two 1-hitters at night after work but I am sober during the day becasue there is too much to do. In all other ways I am responsible for myself and my family. I lie on the internet but not in real life.
    Drink a glass of OJ instead of the bong hit at 7AM, walk around the block at noon and drink some water in lieu of the afternoon toke. Keep your ride at night but you have kids to care for. I don't. Listen to Black Sabbath's Hand of Doom and you will see yourself close enough for good reason. Ask your friend i.e. husband, to lead you away from the place that song takes you.

  • I sometimes wonder if it's just one ignorant, hateful person who makes these comments to the confessers.
    To the poster... You do not have to justify yourself to these idiots.

  • To The Poster: your still here? why havent you killed yourself yet?

  • From the poster... some of you are awfully judgemental.. i'm assuming you lead perfect lives and make no mistakes. I acknowledge the fact that I dont ilve the most moral of lives. I have not cheated on my husband and wont be.. it's more of a fantasy vs. something i'm actually going to do.. i know i can stop myself from it. And I know the moral implications. I'm not a stupid person. You would be surprised to know my profession.. but I wont say. I love and take care of all of my children and they all love me. I do suffer from biplar disorder and i choose pot to self medicate unfortunately. I would like to cut down and then eventually stop.. I just havent gotten there yet. I dont ever drive around w/ it or anything like that.. so i dont worry so much about being caught and hauled off to jail. Where I live, it's VERY common to smoke pot..almost a norm and very accepted. I'm actually a very likeable person to those of you that "hate people like me".. you dont really know who I am, you only know my flaws.... and we all have them.

  • I don't judge you, but your post indicates that you recognize that not all is right in your world. You may want to get some therapy because it could really steer your life away from a miserable turn.

  • Okay, putting aside the fact that I am morally opposed to pretty much all the decisions you make day-to-day, I can't figure out for the life of me why someone would cheat with an ex. The biggest threat to a relationship's sexual fidelty is novelty. Why then would anyone wanna cheat with someone who you've been there, done that with?

  • Maybe you should seek therapy. You do not need to ruin your marriage if you love your husband. As for the weed, I really don't see a problem with it, except for the fact that you could end up in jail, and then your kids would have no mother until you get out.

  • You know what b**** just kill yourself, you've got a family and still you choose a path of drugs and adultry. At least you youself have acknowledged that you are terrible person... I HATE people like YOU!!!

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