I am a 23 year old female, who is apparently normal. There is only one thing that makes me doubt 100% about my normality. Here it goes:

When I was about 4 I started having sexual intercourse with my same aged female cousin. I don't remember how it started, or any particular details about it, but we both enjoyed it so much that we would do it every time we were alone, and we would even, find ways to be alone so we could do it.

The kinkiest of all is that it lasted until our puberty, around 11-12, until my cousin started to develop interest for boys and not wanting to do it anymore until we totally stopped it. All along we knew it was wrong and weird, but we let it happened. We never talked about it after it stopped and I was never brave enough to tell anyone. I kept torturing me with the shame and burden of it until when I was about 17.

Eventually my life took a spin, and I've outgrown it, but always feeling like there was something deep down wrong with me. I never got interested in girls again, and even attempts from friends or unknown individuals would cause me an extreme discomfort being in my skin.

I am a healthy and responsible adult now, and share my life with the most sensible and wonderful of men. We talk about everything, and for a while I've been wanting to tell him, so there's absolutely nothing to hide, and he can love me for all of me, healthy and twisted, past and future.
Tonight I decided to finally tell him, and he was completely and utterly attentive and understanding, mostly to my fear and shame about it. He made me feel like nothing is wrong with me. But then we talked and I asked him what he thought about the reasons behind this, he couldn't answer, as he never heard of such thing.

I thought when I would finally tell someone, I would finally understand the reasons behind it and make peace with it. As it didn't happened he encouraged me to search online, whether someone has been in the same situation, and we've found nothing. And then I found your oasis website and I thought why not share and see if someone can helps?

I really feel well at this moment in my life, but that ghost of having done something like this, still haunts me and tells me "you are a freak show, and no matter how you are now, you'll end up a freak show again". Telling him relieved my guilt of baring such a secret but not the sense of normality I desperately need.

So here I am asking you, lovely readers that took time to learn about my problem, sensible perspectives on the matter or even, cherry on top of the cake, the sharing of similar stories. I do appreciate all the help you can give.

Report this


  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • I had lesbian s** with my cousin around the same time as well and honestly I think about it to this day I'm now 25 and me and my cousin still see eachother all the time, we have talked about it too because when we stopped we were around 12 13 as well she was the first to give me oral and even tho it felt so wrong at the time enjoyed every single part of it at the moment it feels great but then after you feel guilty , I remember when we were 15 16, she spend the night and it felt like the old times and we tried to do it again but I couldn't do oral to her it felt so wrong so we stopped and we just fell asleep but then around 2 3 in the morning she came into my bed and started to give me oral and I pretended to be sleeping so I didn't feel so guilty but I let her go until I had my o***** really quietly but I did I knew she saw when I got it so I just ended up getting up nd she ended up tribbing on me till she got off too that was the last time we did anything tho

  • Maybe it was that we were both child molested kids and we turned to eachother?

  • I don't think this is particularly unusual and I bet if you took a poll, you'd find that lots of people have had experiences similar to yours. A fair amount of people can remember some sort of s** play from childhood, and the fact that you and your cousins were about the same age (and no coercion seems to have exercised) suggests that this situation wasn't abusive in nature. I suppose it's a bit unusual that it went on for as long as it did, but everyone's sexual development is different. Don't let this eat you up. You're an adult now and can make your own sexual choices. If you think it'd help, see a counselor. If not, forgive yourself and live your life.

  • I done the EXACT same thing.
    but it doesn't burden me.
    only thing is - my brother caught us and told my dad when we were younger.

    but coz we were little they made no fuss over it.
    but me and her always knew it was weird and wrong.

  • Well I think the reason it stuck with you so long may be the fact that it was such a secret and only the two of you knew. I honestly think you was just curious and I havn't personally but I know a lot of people who have had their share of the whole "Kissing Cousins" situation and they have outgrown it and really live with it pretty well. I think the thing that is really bothering you is maybe that you didn't really seem to talk things out with your cousin (or so I didn't read that in the story) and if so you need to talk to her, just you two one on one and tell her that the guilt is killing you because maybe she can help you get over it or maybe she deals with the same thing but has no one to talk to. This honestly is nothing serious but it does seem to be making an impact on your life and I think you are doing a great job my writing about it. Sometimes it is better to write your feelings down or talk to a stranger about stuff because that way you get an honest opinion and honest advice because they don't know you to judge you. I wish you all the luck on getting over this, but I assure you that you are not alone in the world. My brother and my cousin had their little moments but thats all over with and my cousin is now married with her own kids and my brother is in a loving relationship with a great woman.

  • HOW do you have sexual intercourse with two girls at age 4... and older ? You fingered each other ? Tribbed? What ? Just curious.

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?