I am a 23 year old female, who is apparently normal. There is only one thing that makes me doubt 100% about my normality. Here it goes:
When I was about 4 I started having sexual intercourse with my same aged female cousin. I don't remember how it started, or any particular details about it, but we both enjoyed it so much that we would do it every time we were alone, and we would even, find ways to be alone so we could do it.
The kinkiest of all is that it lasted until our puberty, around 11-12, until my cousin started to develop interest for boys and not wanting to do it anymore until we totally stopped it. All along we knew it was wrong and weird, but we let it happened. We never talked about it after it stopped and I was never brave enough to tell anyone. I kept torturing me with the shame and burden of it until when I was about 17.
Eventually my life took a spin, and I've outgrown it, but always feeling like there was something deep down wrong with me. I never got interested in girls again, and even attempts from friends or unknown individuals would cause me an extreme discomfort being in my skin.
I am a healthy and responsible adult now, and share my life with the most sensible and wonderful of men. We talk about everything, and for a while I've been wanting to tell him, so there's absolutely nothing to hide, and he can love me for all of me, healthy and twisted, past and future.
Tonight I decided to finally tell him, and he was completely and utterly attentive and understanding, mostly to my fear and shame about it. He made me feel like nothing is wrong with me. But then we talked and I asked him what he thought about the reasons behind this, he couldn't answer, as he never heard of such thing.
I thought when I would finally tell someone, I would finally understand the reasons behind it and make peace with it. As it didn't happened he encouraged me to search online, whether someone has been in the same situation, and we've found nothing. And then I found your oasis website and I thought why not share and see if someone can helps?
I really feel well at this moment in my life, but that ghost of having done something like this, still haunts me and tells me "you are a freak show, and no matter how you are now, you'll end up a freak show again". Telling him relieved my guilt of baring such a secret but not the sense of normality I desperately need.
So here I am asking you, lovely readers that took time to learn about my problem, sensible perspectives on the matter or even, cherry on top of the cake, the sharing of similar stories. I do appreciate all the help you can give.